3 Reasons Why People Have a Fear of Relationships

Plenty of jokes and stereotypes circulate about having a fear of commitment, or even a fear of love. The truth is, though, that many of those stereotypes are in place for a reason.

Fear of relationships is a real thing, and it’s important to understand some of the underlying causes of those fears.

Relationships often fail because of fear. When people start to think about intimacy, commitment, and vulnerability, those thoughts can derail reality very quickly. Because of that, people who are afraid of relationships often have a hard time making them work.

Here are some reasons people have a fear of relationships.

1. Fearing the Unknown

When you get into a relationship, you’re opening yourself up more than you’re used to. Even if you’re relatively closed off and private, a relationship forces you to be more vulnerable from the start, or it won’t work.

Many people have a hard time opening up and being vulnerable. You never know what’s going to happen in a relationship if you tell someone something personal, do something they’re not used to, etc.

It’s natural to fear the unknown. Not knowing every last detail of what to expect in your relationship can be scary.

2. Past Experiences

Maybe you weren’t always fearful of relationships, but a particular partner or situation changed your mind. Relationships fail for many different reasons. But, if someone burned you in the past you may have a hard time opening yourself up to someone new.

The problem with letting negative past experiences dictate the way you feel about relationships now is that no two situations are exactly alike. Just because one partner was unfaithful, it doesn’t automatically mean someone else will also cheat. Just because one partner was lazy, yelled all the time, or made you feel insecure doesn’t mean someone else will.

It’s important to go into a new relationship with a clean slate. When you cling to your negative past experiences, you’re putting a red flag on your new partner that they don’t deserve.

3. You Have More to Lose

Some people aren’t afraid of falling in love, but they’re afraid of losing that love. So, they avoid it altogether. When you truly fall for someone, the fear of losing them can start to build quickly. The deeper you fall, the harder it would be to lose that person.

Not only can you become more aware of losing your partner, but falling in love can make you think about yourself and others in your life, too. Sometimes, the idea of losing people you’re close to can feel like too much. So, avoiding the feeling of “too attached” can often seem safer.

Fear Ruins Relationships

It’s far too easy to self-sabotage when you get into a relationship. You might try to justify your fears with superficial excuses, but there is usually something deeper going on. The more you choose to understand your fears, the easier it will be to overcome them.

You don’t have to fall into line with the stereotypes or jokes about having a fear of commitment. In fact, many people who have a fear of relationships would love one—they’re just too consumed by the “what ifs.”

If you want to find love and have a relationship but you’re scared, the best thing you can do is to figure out why.

The good news? You don’t have to do it on your own.

If you would consider yourself “fearful” of relationships, feel free to contact us. Together, we’ll get to the bottom of that fear so you can work on practical ways to overcome it and find a lasting, loving relationship you deserve.