Is Valentine’s Day Important?… Sure… But Maybe Not As Well
What is it about a day? We can put heavy emphasis on days like Valentine’s Day. Is it an important day to connect? Is it the only day to connect? Or is it important to share an experience to build a sense of tradition? It might be. However, for some, it might not matter as well.
For some people, there can be a longing to do something special or engage in some kind of celebration. Others like the idea of showing off their relationship. For those who are in relationships, it’s important to know what the expectations are.
Setting up relationship expectations for days like Valentine’s Day can create bonding. Together, you and your partner can decide what type of ritual you want to establish for this. In doing so, you both get to hear the dreams that you have. You get to decide what special ways you can enjoy this time together.
Personal awareness is needed to make decisions about how to spend this day. Without even knowing it, you can spiral quickly into a trap. There can be heavy expectations on how this day should look. You might even build these expectations without sharing them with your partner. This is a dangerous direction to go in. With these expectations come feelings of being let down. Out of this, you risk experiencing anger, and blaming your partner for how you feel.
Pay close attention to what you wish for on holidays. If you want something special for Valentine’s Day, you should ask for it. This doesn’t mean that your partner doesn’t care enough about you. Instead, it just means that you have to work together to figure out what these holidays should look like in your relationship.
It’s fine not to celebrate
With all of the advertising and marketing that we come across, it can feel like you’re abnormal, when it’s a day that you really don’t care about. Pay close attention to this comparison that you’re making. If you don’t care much about celebrating, and your partner doesn’t either, you don’t have to feel obligated to do something that you don’t want to do. Instead, focus on ways of enhancing connection in your relationship, day-to-day. This will likely be more meaningful anyway.
For those who are single
Comparison can also creep up for those who are single on Valentine’s Day. Success starts to get linked with being in a relationship. The feeling might be unavoidable. If you find yourself feeling this way, reach out to a friend who will be supportive. Try to practice validating your worth, and appreciating it for what it is, outside of a relationship. Recognize that when you get into a relationship, it will enhance this. However, not being with someone on this day doesn’t take those qualities away from you.
The bottom line is to be authentic. Know what it is that you’re wanting, and why. Does this sound easy to you? Well, it’s not. The most common question that my clients will struggle with is “what do you want?” This is because asking this question means taking full responsibility for the effort and the outcome. You also have to take full responsibility for establishing your own goals. This makes it difficult to project, defend, and engage in all of the other things that keep us feeling safe, yet keep us from feeling connected.
So on this Valentine’s Day, or any other holiday that comes with expectations, work to discover what would feel authentic to you. Practice enhancing a sense of self-worth. This will take the pressure off of a single day, while helping you appreciate the most important kind of love… self-worth.