I’m going to start this entry by asking you to take a deep breath. You are not likely going to like what you read here. However with an open mind, what I’m about to say will make sense. If you are coming out of a relationship that lasted for six months or more, you should not go on another date for at least six months.

Joking aside, people are not often happy with me when I make this statement. The typical question is “how will I meet a potential partner if I don’t date?” This is a fair question, but it signifies that finding a partner should be on a short timeline. Finding a good, solid relationship will likely take time, so patience is key.

I do not ask people to wait for six months to a year just to torment people. It’s not just a challenge to see if you can hold out for this period of time. After you leave a relationship, you are emotionally charged from the experience and person who you just left. This does not promote solid decision-making in a potential new partner. Shortly after a relationship ends, people are often lonely. Therefore they will go from person-to-person to deal with the negative feeling of loneliness. When being in a relationship for a period of time, it is difficult to remember that it isn’t always the best idea to deal with negative feelings by distracting yourself with new, exciting people. Distraction has its benefits, but distract yourself with people who you can trust, and learn to deal with your own feelings of loneliness, rather than drown them in dates and sex. If your previous relationship ended because of a poor sex life, then you are more likely going to seek out dates for good sex. This will not typically turn into a long-term partnership.

To give yourself the best chance at making your next relationship successful, giving yourself time to grieve over your recent break up can help. You will make less emotional decisions in regards to new partners. There will be no desperate attempts at using dating to overcome loneliness. This will allow you to enjoy the dates that you have for what they are. You can experience the fun of meeting new people, but without feeling rushed to establish a new relationship.

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