Bisexual and Straight? Another Type of Mixed Orientation Marriage
When we talk about mixed orientation marriages, we most often think about gay/straight marriages. The difference in sexual orientation can cause obvious problems for both people involved. However, when someone recognizes that they are bisexual, we make the mistake of taking the potential issues for granted. We can view the need to come out as a unnecessary. All people have the need to share who they are, regardless of sexual orientation.
It’s all about authenticity.
There are assumptions that someone who is bisexual can easily assimilate into a straight marriage. In fact, many would even expect these individuals to do so. But there can be a genuine struggle for these people. Even knowing that this expectation is out there can be shaming. It’s sort of like saying, “if you’re strong, you’ll just keep that to yourself.”
However, keeping things to ourselves says that we’re only acceptable when people know certain things about us. This is very isolating.
We all need to be seen for who we are. Part of who we are is who we’re attracted to. People who are bisexual have those very needs of self-expression. This is why people come out. To share with those who they are close to who they are.
Monogamy is still possible.
One of the most unfortunate stereotypes of bisexual people is that they aren’t capable of monogamy. This is a very cynical view of sexuality. Many do want monogamous relationships, and are just as capable as anyone else. In other words, self-expression and self-acceptance aren’t the same as cheating and betrayal.
Culturally, we oversimplify sexuality. We assume that people are gay or straight. This naturally makes people suspicious of someone who is not in either of these categories. This puts someone who is bisexual in a really tough spot. They know that they could be judged or criticized. Thus, many just keep this to themselves.
For the straight partner.
The person who identifies as straight may not understand what to do with the information. This is a normal process too. Therefore, it can take some time to understand the significance of coming out. This will require you to have an open dialogue with your partner, as well as find ways to communicate assumptions. This can help to clarify, rather than allow fear and anxiety to increase.
Remember that coming out as bisexual comes with stereotypes. What that I have heard is that this means that the bisexual partner wants to have a more open relationship. This could be a possibility, but it’s also likely that this has nothing to do with coming out as well. People need self-acceptance, and identifying as bisexual is an important part of who people are.
Regardless, there is going to be individual meaning of this news. It is expected that there will be an adjustment period. It could mean that there is more to share, and it could mean that there isn’t much more that needs to be shared regarding this.
The key is to avoid assumptions. Talking openly with each other about what this means, and if there needs to be more to discuss. This will help you know what expectations there are, and keep you from writing hurtful stories about each other. It can also help you connect in a more open and honest way than ever before.