It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy of how things could be if you would’ve responded differently or if others would have reacted differently. This line of thinking can give you a temporary sense of control. However, there is no contentment in analyzing how things could have been different. This control is only imagined, and is very short-lived. Therefore, it’s important to work to let go of this style of thinking, and learn to embrace, interpret, accept, and understand the present in order to find that content place that has been missing from your life.
From the thoughts of how life should’ve been different comes guilt, anger and resentment. Although it may be disguised in power and control, there’s an undertone of powerless to such a style of thinking. To find a place of contentment, you first have to take judgment out of the thinking about your own behavior or somebody else. This is not at all easy to do. We are taught from a very young age to process information through a judgmental lens. This is something that you’ll always do to some extent. However, if you can catch yourself doing this, and change the thought so that it’s not full of judgment, you’ll be better able to process through the thought, and it’s meaning. This will allow you to understand what lessons you are to learn from past experiences, and how you can better handle them in the future.