7 Ways Couples Kill Their Love Life

Ruining their love life is probably one of the last things any couple wants to do. Yet, for many people, this happens accidentally or by neglect.

Sometimes problems with your love life don’t manifest themselves until later on, but, for many couples, they start to occur soon after they move in together. Read on for seven things to avoid if you don’t want to kill your love life.

1. Being too comfortable with each other

Finding someone with whom you can truly be yourself is a wonderful, special thing. But what if your “true self” is a bit of a slob? No one is perfect, but picking your toenails or passing lots of gas during movie night is a pretty good way to kill your partner’s libido. She won’t love you less for it, but going for a romp in the hay will certainly seem less appealing!

2. Forgetting that quality is more important than quantity in your love life

Living together as a couple is so much more than just being roommates. When you live together every day, you can forget to make your time together really count. Instead, you start taking each other for granted, even though you don’t mean to. Make sure to take an extra second to keep the spark alive by showing your partner how you feel. It could be cuddling on the couch, taking her hand when you walk out the front door, or giving an appreciative squeeze on his shoulder when you’re both helping out in the kitchen.

3. Forgetting to communicate

Now that you live together, you might think he knows you well enough to know what you want. But if he can’t remember how to fold shirts so they fit in the dresser properly, he’s probably not always spot on about what you’d like in the bedroom either. It might at first seem embarrassing to say what you want during intimacy, but many people find it quite arousing! No one wants a passive partner. It’s much better to communicate your desires than not have a good time, because–chances are–if you’re not enjoying yourself, he’s probably not feeling great either.

4. Not making your partner your priority

Is Candy Crush crushing your love life? A senior researcher at the University of Brighton found that people who spend a lot of time with electronic devices suffer relationship problems. Spending a lot of time with a screen when you could be having quality time with your partner can cause mistrust and jealousy. Just who is it that is taking up so much of your time, she might wonder? Even if there’s no one else, a lack of attention and poor listening or communication, shows you’re not prioritizing your relationship and are favoring digital intimacy over real intimacy.

5. Nagging

There’s an old saying about familiarity breeding contempt. Does the woman you love drive you nuts by leaving her nail polish bottles on the coffee table? Does your beloved husband leave his shoes by the front door instead of putting them in the hall closet two feet away? The ones we love the most often are the ones who get the most under our skin. Try to pick your battles. Nagging is perhaps the ultimate anti-aphrodisiac. It’s even worse if you nag about sex. If you find yourself complaining to your partner that she never wants sex, or that, since you’ve been together for a time, he’s no longer passionate, nagging about it will ensure the problem persists.

6. Not sleeping enough

Having ambitions in life is great, and is probably a large part of why your partner fell in love with you in the first place! But spending many hours working away at your computer can be detrimental to your love life. Research suggests that extra hours of sleep correspond with higher levels of sexual desire. Also, all that sitting for work can be bad for your love life in a very physical way. Sitting in a chair for too long can shorten a woman’s pelvic floor muscles, making her uncomfortable during intimacy.

7. Too much routine

Living together often means coordinating and planning. Who is showering first? Who makes dinner and when? Don’t forget to throw some spontaneity into your routine from time to time to add some spark to your love life.

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2 Comments
  1. Some very good points! It is easy to take a relationship for granted.

  2. This is such a simple but poignant reminder of how easily we can fall into relationship killing behaviors. Thank you so much for writing this!

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