After an Affair: 3 Tips on How to Increase Trust
Finding out your partner has been having an affair can be the most crushing thing you’ll ever experience in your relationship. In an instant, trust is severed and you feel betrayed.
There are several options you can take to move on, of course. Some people choose to end their relationship after the discovery of an affair. Others commit themselves to work it out.
If you and your partner have decided you want to stay together and focus on strengthening your relationship, building trust is paramount to the success of your relationship.
Whether you were the person cheating or the one who feels betrayed, learning to trust each other again will help your relationship to grow. While there is no guarantee that things will be perfect or even work out, committing yourself to increase trust can be a huge help.
1. Communicate Openly Right Away
Communication is a major key to any relationship. But after an affair, it becomes even more important. Both of you have to be completely open with each other about what you’re thinking and feeling.
There are certain “rules” that go with communication as well as fair fighting. Yet, an important key is to be respectful of one another. Also, try to understand where the other person is coming from.
If either of you feels the other is hiding something, a commitment to communication can resolve the issue. Really, without open communication, the trust will never grow.
2. Understand You’re Working Toward the Same Goals
When you feel betrayed by an affair, it’s easy to look at your partner for a while and think they’re the enemy. But, if you’ve both committed to staying in the relationship, you have to believe you’re on the same team and working toward the same things.
You might not end up in the same relationship you had before. But, look at that as an opportunity to create something new with your partner.
When you work on it together, it may end up being even better than before. The longer you continue to view your partner as the enemy, the longer it will take to trust them.
3. Focus On The Present
It’s hard to stay in the present and look to the future when you’re stuck in the past. Unfortunately, constantly remembering what your partner put you through is one of the hardest parts of dealing with an affair.
It’s okay to feel hurt and betrayed. It’s important to talk about what happened. But, don’t let it dictate your present or your future.
For example, if you’re having an argument with your partner about something like dirty dishes in the sink, it isn’t fair to anyone involved to bring up the affair. When it doesn’t have anything to do with the present, you’re just harboring negative feelings, hurting yourself in the process.
You have to eventually let go of those feelings or learn how to manage them in a way that doesn’t hold you (or your relationship) back.
If you can’t let go of what your partner did, it is sometimes the best thing to end the relationship. Trust is a key factor in any romantic commitment, and without it, the relationship will continue to struggle.
By using these tips and committing yourself to a future with your partner, you can rebuild your relationship. As mentioned, it may even end up stronger than ever.
If you’re having a difficult time trusting your spouse after an affair, feel free to contact us. Together, we can go over even more practical solutions on how to build trust and strengthen your relationship.