How to Cope with Valentine’s Day After Discovering an Affair

Most people consider Valentine’s Day to be the official holiday of love and romance. But, it can be one of the worst times of the year if you’ve just discovered your partner is/was having an affair.

Whether you made the choice to end your relationship after discovering the affair or you want to work things out with your partner, Valentine’s Day will still likely be difficult.

Instead of getting caught up in the candy hearts and roses, it’s important to shift your focus this Valentine’s Day. There are things you can do to cope with the holiday. The better you learn to cope, the easier it becomes to let go of some of the hurt and anger that you might be feeling.

Keep Your Expectations Low Key

Around Valentine’s Day, it’s easy to feel like you’re surrounded by images of love. One of the best things you can do is to keep your expectations low key for the holiday.

In other words, if you’ve decided to stay with your partner, don’t expect the holiday to be a magical, romantic day.

In fact, it’s better not to expect anything of your partner, and for them not to expect anything of you. When you lower your expectations, you’re less likely to feel disappointment and fall even deeper into a world of hurt.

Create New Traditions

Maybe you went to a specific restaurant every Valentine’s Day in the past, or got a specific gift, saw a movie, etc. Those memories might be nice to look back on. But, after an affair, you should try to start new traditions and make new memories with your partner.

Doing things you used to do on Valentine’s Day usually makes you think about the way things once were. As a result, you might start to wonder where things went wrong. Those happy memories can quickly become painful.

If you and your partner have split up because of the affair, start new traditions of your own on this holiday!

Do Something Productive

Whether you’re still with your partner or not, one way to cope with Valentine’s Day is to distract yourself by doing something productive. You can choose to do something with your partner, or on your own.

It will do more than take your mind off the underlying theme of the holiday. It will make you feel good about yourself.

Try getting something done that you’ve been putting off for a while. Or, volunteer somewhere. Helping others is a great way to feel better about problems that you may be going through.

Don’t Forget to Communicate

If you’ve been betrayed by your partner but you’re staying together, the first Valentine’s Day after an affair can be the hardest. One great way to make it a little easier is to express your feelings to your partner. Communicate how the holiday makes you feel, and don’t be afraid to express how painful it is.

If you’re the partner who had the affair, one of the best things you can do is to open your own heart on Valentine’s Day. Let your partner/spouse know how you feel about them, and be genuine with your words. It’s important that your partner feels secure every day, but it’s an even bigger deal on a holiday full of love.

No matter what, you can expect the first Valentine’s Day after an affair to be difficult and a bit awkward. Staying with someone who has cheated on you takes a lot of trust and commitment. But, it’s doable if you’re both willing to work on it.

If you’ve decided to leave that relationship and this is your first Valentine’s Day alone, embrace it. By making new traditions and focusing your attention elsewhere, the holiday doesn’t have to feel so lonely.

For support in dealing with the aftermath of an affair, please contact me today. I’m here to help you!


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