Bitterness and vindication are two themes that people often succumb to. This is often no more apparent than when a relationship ends. Individuals who come out of a relationship struggle with rationally working through negative emotions. Because people who are intimidate with each other get to know each other on such a vulnerable level, they know what buttons to push when the relationship ends. Because they are often angry with each other when a relationship ends, these buttons are pushed and used as emotional weapons.

When a couple breaks up, the problem can be letting the relationship go. Although the actual relationship itself may be over as it was once identified, the emotions themselves are not yet extinguished. One person may take an emotional jab at the other one. Problems are then likely to be further enhanced because the ex-couple will likely end up falling into feeling as though they need to protect their pride and respond to these jabs.

Retaliation leads to retaliation, which means more retaliation. You cannot control how the other person reacts, but you can control your own reaction (or lack of it). You have to decide that responding is not worth it. If you must respond, know that the other person can’t hurt you with words unless you allow them to. Like a victim of a bully, there is a way to end the bullying by not reacting in a way that elicits the same old behaviors.Although you may not have let go of the emotions surrounding the relationship at this point, you will have taken the first step to feeling better. There is a little bit of “faking it until you make it” involved in this transition. If your lack of promoting the behavior from your ex stops the behaviors that have been triggering you to respond, you are going to be better able to move on with your life. There will be no need to defend yourself from the emotional attack of that person. This will give you the time to grieve the loss of the relationship and then learn about your choices before, during and after the relationship, so that you will be better equipped to re-enter the dating arena.


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