It’s fair to say that we all want to find someone to share our life experiences with. Humans are wired to want to be in a relationship with someone else. So when is seeking a relationship with someone else not the best idea? It’s when you are unclear on who you are. When you don’t know yourself, or accept yourself, you open yourself up for more hurt, disappointment and frustration.

To share your life experiences with someone requires you to know your personal shame. You have to know what you are insecure about and understand why. Sometimes these things are easily changeable, but most often they’re things that are so engrained in us, that we can only be aware of them. Being aware allows us to catch them, while being understanding of ourselves, and where these insecurities came from. This prevents us from becoming overly reactive in our relationships with others.

We also have to remain aware of the way that the media triggers these reactive parts of ourselves. Love is something that is being marketed to us in a particular way, like never before. In movies, television, and even music, it’s being depicted as a serum that, when consumed, will fill the empty parts of yourself, without any other work to do. The feelings from the early part of a relationship further feed into this idea. It feels good and exciting when you meet someone that you are attracted to. However, things fall apart when that excitement is no longer enough to carry you through the tricky times. Then, without introspection, you’re left with only the fragments that you know about yourself. How can anyone decide what they want when they don’t know what they do and don’t like about themselves?

This is why it’s so important to start your search for love from someone else within yourself. Then you’ll know that romantic love isn’t something that can determine your contentment. Only you can determine this. Thus, you’ll have a better sense of what you do and don’t want in a relationship, and what you are and aren’t willing to compromise.

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