What Leads to Low Sexual Desire?

Low sexual desire can take a relationship that feels hopeful and compatible, and make it feel frustrating and even hopeless. Sometimes there are simple reasons that this is a problem. However, there are also situations where low sexual desire is caused by deeper, more complicated issues.

There are many factors that lead a person to have low sexual desire. As a couple, it is important to monitor and keep assumptions in check. Many partners will make up that low sexual desire means that their partner is no longer attracted to them. This is a possibility. However, this isn’t necessarily true for many of the couples that I see. There is attraction, but there are other underlying issues that are preventing this.

If the problem is a lack of sexual attraction to your partner, this doesn’t mean that the relationship has to end. Many will think that there is no hope when sexual attraction lessens. However, you can increase sexual attraction. This may require you to approach sex in a different way, but it is possible to increase your level of attraction.

Be careful not to put your lack of attraction on the shoulders of your partner! I see this happen often. Sometimes this can come out of the frustration that comes from an angry or resentful partner. This can lead to shame in the person who has a lack of sexual desire. Unfortunately, one of our typical ways of reacting to shame is by using blame ourselves. If you’re in this cyclical trap, it’s important work your way out of it. That’s easier said that done, but you can’t fix your relationship unless you do.

Diet, Hormones, and Emotions

Diet and a lack of sleep can impact your physiology. This isn’t something that happens overnight. Thus, it’s not something that is going to change overnight either. However, by making changes to your diet, your libido can see the results.

It’s important to note that these lifestyle changes are not just related to estrogen and testosterone. These two hormones are important in relation to sex. At the same time, they are overly implicated as the reasons that people have low sexual desire. This leaves people confused, with nowhere to turn when they have normal hormone levels. It also can lead people to seek out unhealthy levels (especially testosterone) to treat a problem that is treatable in other ways.

Most people who have issues with low sexual desire are dealing with a secondary issue. This means that the sexual desire is a symptom of other issues. Thus, it’s important to monitor and understand your mood and emotions. Depression and anxiety can create issues with low sexual desire. Also, issues such as ADHD can lead to problems with disinterest.

Unconscious and Unshared Desires

Sometimes there are sexual desires that people are unaware of. This can be related to sexual orientation or sexual fantasy. Shame can prevent people from accepting this part of who they are. This can create issues because the person may displace sexual frustration on their partner. The truth is that there is sometimes a lack of awareness about sexuality.

Other people are aware of sexual desire, but avoid sharing this with their partner. What can make it worse is when there are expectations that go unmet. Many expect their partners to decode their sexual desires. When this doesn’t happen, unfortunately, resentment can be built.

These desires require personal understanding and increased openness. Shame is unavoidable when sexuality is involved. Shame is a powerful force. It can prevent us from sharing things with others, but it can also prevent us from recognizing things in ourselves. To overcome your low sexual desire, it’s important to know what you want and what you need. If you don’t know, it means building on your narrative to make sense of this.

Open doors and watch your relationship change.

You don’t have to walk away from your relationship because you feel sexually incompatible. However, it does mean that you have to grow to understand yourself. This means uncovering your sexual fantasies. Most people don’t experience their full sexual fantasies in their relationship, but this understanding helps you decide what you want to have in your relationship.

Low sexual desire means that there has to be couples rediscovery as well. You have to be willing to try different things with your partner. I don’t only mean different sexual scenarios and positions when I say this. Instead, you have to understand full body and emotional experiences. This means that you have to be willing to try some exploration and curiosity that you haven’t had before.

It can be a challenge, but it’s something that can be overcome. You can rebuild your sexual relationship. When you are open with yourself and take care of yourself, this will expand to your relationship as well.


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