If you find out about several secrets of your partner’s sexual behavior, your first inclination may be to confront him about this. There are times when this is absolutely the right thing to do. However, if you don’t approach this confrontation carefully, and you hope that your relationship can heal, more problems can occur. This is not to say that you have to tolerate the behavior, or that you are not justified in feeling how you feel. Yet if you are not wanting to leave the relationship, confronting this without help may not be the best approach. Therefore, a sex addiction therapist can help you make decisions about how to deal with such a challenging circumstance.
It is important in any relationship that you have solid boundaries. Sexual boundaries and rules in your relationship are no exception. If these boundaries have been crossed, you are understandably going to feel emotional about this. Therefore, it is going to be challenging to confront your partner about a betrayal, without solely reacting to your justified feelings from what occurred. This is where therapy can provide you with some support to know how you can best address this issue.
In the confrontation without a therapist, your partner is not likely going to tell you the whole truth. You may not be ready to hear the whole truth, but ask for it out of anger. You both might also say things that you end up regretting. Thus, a professional can help you better understand the problem that your partner is dealing with, and determine an appropriate course of action on how to handle this. You may benefit from participating in some couples therapy, but your partner may need to participate in a sexual addiction assessment or may need individual therapy, prior to him being able to adequately participate in couples therapy. Meanwhile, you may benefit from participation in some supportive counseling to help you learn how to cope with the betrayal and learn more about sex addiction. This approach and understanding will help you both create the basis for a new, more intimate and trusting relationship down the road.
Although it is natural to want to confront your partner about sexual secrets, it is not always the best idea to confront this situation without help. The best plan is to Find a therapist who has had certified sex addiction training to help you cope with this challenging situation.