How to Know the Right Time to Come Out as a Poly

A polyamorous person is someone who is able to be in a relationship with more than one person at a time. While these relationship structures can reflect your values others might not be accepting.

Although our culture has become more open to polyamory, many still don’t understand these relationship structures.

Once you’ve decided that you’re poly, you may wish to share this part of your story with other people in your life. Coming out is not something you need to rush, but it also isn’t something you should feel ashamed of or try to hide.

How will you know when it’s the right time to come out as a poly?

You Understand Your Own Thoughts and Feelings

Before you tell anyone else about being poly, it’s important that you’ve had enough time to fully understand and accept your own thoughts and feelings about it.

Ask yourself why you feel you’re polyamorous. What does it mean to you? Do you feel you have enough love to give to more than one person at a time? This will reflect your values.

How do you feel about other types of relationships? Have you been in monogamous relationships in the past? How did they make you feel?

There are so many questions to ask yourself before you come out to others. When you’re able to answer them and become more self-aware, you can have greater confidence in coming out.

Plus, you’ll be able to answer questions other people might have about your decision without having to hesitate or feel conflicted.

You Have a Support System

Some people don’t come out as polyamorous because they’re worried about backlash. Or, they worry that the people in their lives won’t fully support them.

One way to combat this is to tell those who are closest to you, first. When you do come out to the people you love, don’t be afraid to tell them that you need them.

Coming out can be a scary thing, no matter how confident you are in your decision. Having a support system of family, friends, or even a poly support group can make a big difference in how easy it is for you to share your lifestyle with others.

Don’t Follow a Timeline

You can analyze the pros and cons of coming out as poly forever, and get stuck in your analysis. You need to choose to come out on your terms and on your own timeline.

Simply put, there is never a right or wrong time to come out. What matters is your own comfort and desire to do so. When you’re confident in the way you feel and you’re sure of your decision, when you choose to tell people in your life is up to you.

With that in mind, it’s okay to be nervous or even a little bit afraid. Don’t let that stop you from telling people that you’re poly. Holding something like that inside can do more harm than good. You have nothing to feel guilty about, and you should never feel ashamed to be who you are.

If you’re polyamorous and you haven’t come out yet because you’re not sure how to, feel free to contact us. You’re never alone, and you don’t have to go through this situation on your own.

Together, we can work on the most effective ways to come out to your family and friends, while making sure you remain emotionally healthy and self-aware throughout the process.


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