Letting Go to Deal with Erectile Dysfunction

Letting Go to Deal with Erectile Dysfunction

Many men who are dealing with erectile dysfunction struggle with letting go of a level of control. This control often surrounds perceptions. Perceptions of what sex should look like, what they should look like, how they should behave, and what the outcome of the experience should be. They hold constructs of what kind of a sexual partner they want to be. This isn’t bad. In fact, many fantasies include these constructs. What becomes problematic is that these become rigid. Thus, when they don’t workout as planned, they can lead to shame, frustration, and anxiety.

Sexual shame can create even more issues with erectile dysfunction. Because of its basic emotional nature, shame impacts physiological functioning. This can make people close up their vulnerability to protect themselves. Many men who are dealing with ED don’t recognize the role that this feeling plays in their lives. They respond to the symptom, but they aren’t aware of the emotional causes.

This disparity between the mind and body can make the body close off. Such closing is an understandable response. In fact, it’s even arguable that this is an instinctual way of dealing with shame. However, this closing off can impact you during a vulnerable time, such as having sex. This can obviously work against the goal that you’re trying to achieve.

Many times men don’t believe that they’re struggling with this level of vulnerability. Their thought processes tell them that they are fine with such vulnerability. However, their bodies are sharing a different story.

The answer to this is learning to let go of some of the constructs go. This will makes it so men can walk through some of the shame and things can begin to flow again. Sex has flow to it. It can be good, great, fun, bad, clumsy, etc. Thus, when men practice acceptance, rather than rigid control, they’re more likely to overcome their erectile issues. They stop worrying about “sexual performance” and walk back into curiosity. This offers a space that is more likely to offer some successes, which can be relied upon for future confidence.

Confidence is an important part of dealing with this issue. However, many are mistaken that confidence is built on the back of control and vulnerability avoidance. That’s not the case at all. In fact, confidence can come from some more negative experiences, as long as hopelessness doesn’t overtake you. Going from a negative experience, and turning it into a positive can be exciting.

Keep in mind that letting go of such extreme control is a process. It takes time and practice. The first step is always recognizing where you’re taking a lot of control in the first place. Then you identify where you might have a level of rigidity. Then you can practice staying with the body, and being mindful of the experience. If you’ve never lived in this mindful way, this can be difficult at first. However, in time, when your body starts to open up, confidence can start to rebuild.


Recent Posts

When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed/Activated During an Argument

When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed/Activated During an Argument Personally, and professionally, I’ve noticed that seldomly do we find ourselves able to argue without our emotions getting the best of us. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing! Becoming activated or flooded during a conflictual conversation with a loved one or our partner


Overcoming Avoidance to Heal Your Sexual Problems

Overcoming Avoidance to Heal Your Sexual Problems One of the biggest culprits that can prevent you from making changes is avoidance. It’s easy to get all-or-nothing about how you want sex to happen. People have ideas of sex working for them, which is fine… until it isn’t. What often happens


How Sex Addiction Can Affect Your Partner

How Sex Addiction Can Affect Your Partner Sex addiction can cause relationship, career, and personal issues. It is obvious that people who are dealing with out of control sexual behavior need to build a plan and support system. However, individuals and the therapy field often forgets about the consequences that


Porn Addiction Information

Porn Addiction Information With the rise in popularity of the internet, behavioral addictions have become even more common. Whether it be computer games, online gambling, cybersex, or pornography, it can be difficult to understand what is going on in an individual’s body, mind, and heart. Watching pornography, meeting up with

compulsivity porn usage numbing tool

When Porn is a Compulsive Numbing Tool

When Porn is a Compulsive Numbing Tool If you read about compulsive porn use, there’s a lot of information that takes the discussion about problematic porn use to the extremes: it’s either always a problem or it’s never a problem. Like most things, the answer of whether or not it’s