If you are someone who deals with anger problems, this feeling can seem to come out of nowhere. For a small percentage of this people, it does. This specific group of individuals deals with impulsivity to such a large extent that their anger purely comes from a release of built-up energy via angry outbursts. Most people who deal with anger, however, have problems coping with underlying, yet often unrecognized feelings that are the basis of this anger. With the right help, you can learn to recognize your feelings and handle them so that they do not ruin your relationships and lives.
When attempting to gain control of an anger problem, some people will use interventions such as leaving the trigger situation that led to the anger. Others will release angry energy through physical exercise. Of course, there are also those who use alcohol, drugs, or other addictive behavior to cope with anger. Using interventions can be good or bad. Either way they do not deal with the actual basis of the problem.
Anxiety and mild forms of depression are often the two largest underlying feelings that lead to anger. Many people who live with anger problems never learned how to recognize and deal with their feelings of worry, shame, guilt, tension, panic, pessimism, etc. Therefore these emotions are then expressed and released through yelling, hitting, and intimidating. Therefore, the problem for those who simply add interventions to combat the outbursts alone is that they are handling only the symptoms. To make this an even larger issue, the outbursts can intensify over time, because of the increasing guilt associated with such actions. This promotes a cycle that can get out of control.
With the right tools, you can learn to handle your feelings before they intensify to an outburst. There are two primary steps to overcoming this issue. First, take responsibility for your actions. Many people who are dealing with anger problems know that their behavior is wrong, but only some of these people are willing to admit this. This is a defense mechanism to cope with these issues. Coping with such a mechanism is not solving anything. So to overcome them, you have to take responsibility and not justify your behavior or negative feelings. This sounds like common sense, but it is not always easy. Your defense mechanisms may have developed themselves to the point that you have convinced yourself that your outbursts are justified. If this is the case, ask yourself how much your life could improve if you didn’t react in such a way.
Secondly, you need to learn new ways to deal with anxiety and depression. It is important to recognize your negative feelings before they escalate. Understand that exiting situations that are stressful is not a bad short-term strategy, but it will do nothing to teach you how to manage your overall level of stress. It also does not help you to feel better about yourself either, which is really what anger is–an anger turned inwards.
You can overcome denial by allowing yourself to become more vulnerable. Understand how denial has played a part in your life, and recognize that you should not try to overcome this without the help of a professional. In a professional setting, you can understand how your thinking has led you to feel negative. This professional can also help you understand how this is a precursor to anger. Insight such as this can help you better control your feelings before they get to a place that is difficult to reign back in. It can also help you cope with guilt that will likely surface while you further take responsibility for yourself.
When dealing with anger, people often do not realize that there are underlying feelings that contribute to anger. In order to to keep yourself from resorting to out-of-control and angry episodes, gaining a better understanding of the thoughts that lead to these feelings is extremely important. Therapy can help you to gain this skill. Although you may be able to develop some effective interventions to help in tense circumstances, you can also develop a long-term solution to prevent these episodes from taking place at all.