Treat Low Sexual Desire by Improving Your Quality of Life
When sexual desire evaporates, it’s natural to want to focus on getting it back. This usually means that people focus really heavily on either their lacking of physical arousal or they focus on asking themselves “why did my desire lower?” There is no specific problem with asking yourself a “why” question like this. It’s a logical thing to do. The problem for so many people is that they end up empty handed when they ask this of themselves.
This empty-handedness often leads to greater frustration and self-deprecation. When you ask yourself why, you’re usually just making a statement that this shouldn’t have happened. The question is well-intentioned, but it doesn’t
If you’re working with a sex therapist, sometimes they can help you explore this, but what you’re often looking for isn’t just the answer to the question. You’re also looking for the root causes of the problem as well.
The first place you want to look when you look for root causes is obviously you want to be sure you’re healthy. Sometimes, there are physical things going on, so you want to be sure to talk with your doctor. You also want to advocate for yourself and be sure your doctor is comfortable talking with you about sex. Unfortunately, many physicians would avoid talking about sex with you like the plague. So ask about sex and if you sense your doctor isn’t comfortable, ask for a referral to a specialist who is more comfortable.
Finding Balance
When you explore root causes, you’ll often find that you things are out of balance in your life. Stress, relationship problems, depression, life changes, and traumas are part of all of our lives. These things often go ignored, however, when people are trying to improve their sexual desire.
Stress is a normal part of life, but how you cope with it can be a problem. It’s actually surprising how many don’t realize they have struggles coping with it until they start to develop secondary problems such as physical problems.
You also want to identify how you can improve and enhance your relationship. This doesn’t have to mean your relationship is bad. It might be someone you really love. Instead, you just want to look at ways that you can make your relationship even more connected, fun, enjoyable, etc.
You might be ignoring some depression! Extreme depression can of course impact your sex life. But you could also be experiencing depression that is lower grade and less recognizable. This can impact your sexual desire as well.
Finally, it doesn’t sound fun, but you could have some unresolved trauma that you haven’t dealt with. Traumas can be big and small. They can also start to cause problematic symptoms later in your life, so just because you didn’t have this problem when you were younger, doesn’t mean you didn’t have any trauma. Talk with a trauma informed therapist about this so you can explore how the past is impacting the present.
Treating the Problem with Mindfulness and Emotional Awareness
When you learn about your emotions, you can more readily identify what you’re experiencing. With practice, you’ll also identify trends and patterns that led you to these feelings. This information can be so valuable. You’ll be able to focus on tools to help with the emotions, but you may also identify times where you just need to sit with the emotions or even ask for support around them.
So often we try to move away from our feelings or squash them because they’re uncomfortable. Unfortunately, you can get into a habit of doing this before you gathered all of the information that you needed or before you actually coped with them. This can lead to feelings of isolation and other feelings such as resentment and even depression. So learning about your feelings and emotions is critical in your journey to enhance your sexual desire.
Don’t Fall into the Trap that You Need to Find a Magic Sexual Pill
I don’t mean a literal pill, although you’ll find a lot of pills marketed out there as well. Keep in mind, the pills out there (especially for women) show mixed results.
I’m actually talking about a metaphorical pill here. If you just found the right toy, fantasy, play thing, etc., then your desire will miraculously improve. Bullshit! There is a lot of BS out there about sex. Fantasy and stuff can be really great to explore, but not when you are already struggling with balance in your life. You also want to know a lot about yourself rather than just randomly try things that aren’t authentic to you.
Don’t fall for this. It’s a trap. It’ll make you more frustrated with yourself and your situation. Save this as an icing for your cake.
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If you’re in the Dallas area, and you’re looking for someone to help you explore low sexual desire, contact us today.
