Rebuilding Trust: 5 Steps to Recover from Cheating in Relationships
Cheating is one of the hardest things a couple can endure. It comes with a sense of betrayal, hurt, and broken trust. The container of the relationship has been fractured and it can be hard to recover from infidelity. Some couples don’t and they break up. But it is possible to recover from infidelity. With effort, you can rebuild trust in your relationship. You and your partner can heal and become closer than ever before.
At the same time, the very definition of fidelity is shifting. Couples today are not only working through traditional betrayals, but also facing new questions about what counts as “cheating.” For some, that includes whether forming intimate or romantic connections with artificial intelligence crosses the line. Recent research shows that more than a quarter of Americans have already experimented with AI intimacy. If you’re curious about how technology is changing the way we think about trust and relationships, check out our article on AI romantic relationships. In this article, I’m going to break down all of it and how to move forward.
As a Dallas couples therapist, I’ve seen how couples recover from infidelity. Below are some common elements to rebuilding trust in relationships.
New Frontiers in Cheating
Cheating has always been about crossing boundaries of trust, but what those boundaries look like has changed over time. In the past, cheating might have been defined only as physical intimacy with someone outside the relationship. Today, technology has blurred those lines in powerful ways.
Many couples now wrestle with questions like: Is sexting cheating? What about emotional connections formed online? Does watching explicit material count as betrayal if it feels like a replacement for intimacy at home? The internet makes it easier than ever to form secret connections, whether through social media, dating apps, or private messaging.
And as technology continues to evolve, new challenges emerge. Artificial intelligence has introduced a completely new dimension to fidelity. For some, forming intimate or romantic connections with AI systems feels harmless, while for others it feels like a serious breach of trust. Recent studies even show that more than a quarter of Americans have experimented with AI intimacy. Couples are now having to define not only what cheating means in the digital age, but also how they want to handle the growing role of AI in their intimate lives.
Empathize with your partner
Everyone wants to be seen and heard. You can rebuild the emotional intimacy and connection in your relationship by starting there. Imagine how your partner felt or feels and express that to them. Guess what they needed and didn’t get. For the person who cheated, they might say something like, “It seems like you’re really hurt and upset by what I did. You have a need for trust that I didn’t meet.”
By first acknowledging your partner’s feelings, you’ll start to build the bridge back to intimacy. As hard as it is, it’s also helpful for the person who was cheated on to empathize with their partner. They may say something like, “I don’t condone your actions at all but it sounds like you were really frustrated in our relationship because there were certain things you needed and weren’t getting like connection or ___.”
You’re demonstrating that you see each other and you care enough to make an effort to understand them, which helps you recover from infidelity.
Take responsibility
After you’ve acknowledged how your partner feels, the person who cheated must take responsibility for their actions. They must own up to what they did and not try to shift the blame to external factors. By saying, “I screwed up, it’s my fault,” it shows you recognize you did something that hurt your partner and you know it’s in your power to keep it from happening again. If someone or something else is to blame, what’s to stop infidelity from happening again?
Make a plan to do things differently
Simply saying, “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again,” can feel like an empty apology if it’s not followed up with action. What will you do differently to prevent infidelity? What does that look like for both of you? For instance, if the urge to cheat stems from feeling disconnected, maybe you clearly state that to your partner and ask for more quality time together. Or it could be as simple as, “When we’re having dinner, can you keep your phone on do not disturb?”
As a couple, be intentional about your relationship. Plan how you’ll handle certain situations together. Work together as a team instead of unilaterally. Doing so helps with rebuilding trust in your relationship.
Communicate more
Many relationships break down because of a lack of communication. To recover from infidelity, communicate with one another more. Be more open and honest about how you feel, what’s happening for you, and what you’d like from your partner. They may not be able to accommodate your request but you never know unless you ask. And if they can’t, there may be room for compromise or they can help brainstorm a way to meet that need.
Communicating more could also mean communicating differently. One effective method is active listening, which rebuilds trust in your relationship by listening without judgment and paraphrasing what your partner said to check if you heard them properly.
When to Seek professional help
Sometimes what a couple needs to recover from infidelity is professional help. As a couples therapist in Dallas, I, or one of my colleagues at Vantage Point Counseling Services, act as a neutral third party. We offer an outside perspective on what’s happening in your relationship and create a safe space for you to express how you’re feeling and ways to cope. We are there to point out patterns in your relationship that you may be unaware of that are causing friction in your relationship. By working with the underlying issues, we can help you rebuild trust in your relationship and recover from infidelity.
If you’re in Texas and need help recovering from infidelity or want more support in your relationship, check out our relationships counseling and couple therapy page as well as our contact page.
