Rebuilding Trust: 5 Steps to Recover from Infidelity in Relationships
Cheating is one of the hardest things a couple can endure. It comes with a sense of betrayal, hurt, and broken trust. The container of the relationship has been fractured and it can be hard to recover from infidelity. Some couples don’t and they break up. But it is possible to recover from infidelity. With effort, you can rebuild trust in your relationship. You and your partner can heal and become closer than ever before.
As a Dallas couples therapist, I’ve seen how couples recover from infidelity. Below are some common elements to rebuilding trust in relationships.
Empathize with your partner
Everyone wants to be seen and heard. You can rebuild the emotional intimacy and connection in your relationship by starting there. Imagine how your partner felt or feels and express that to them. Guess what they needed and didn’t get. For the person who cheated, they might say something like, “It seems like you’re really hurt and upset by what I did. You have a need for trust that I didn’t meet.”
By first acknowledging your partner’s feelings, you’ll start to build the bridge back to intimacy. As hard as it is, it’s also helpful for the person who was cheated on to empathize with their partner. They may say something like, “I don’t condone your actions at all but it sounds like you were really frustrated in our relationship because there were certain things you needed and weren’t getting like connection or ___.”
You’re demonstrating that you see each other and you care enough to make an effort to understand them, which helps you recover from infidelity.
Take responsibility
After you’ve acknowledged how your partner feels, the person who cheated must take responsibility for their actions. They must own up to what they did and not try to shift the blame to external factors. By saying, “I screwed up, it’s my fault,” it shows you recognize you did something that hurt your partner and you know it’s in your power to keep it from happening again. If someone or something else is to blame, what’s to stop infidelity from happening again?
Make a plan to do things differently
Simply saying, “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again,” can feel like an empty apology if it’s not followed up with action. What will you do differently to prevent infidelity? What does that look like for both of you? For instance, if the urge to cheat stems from feeling disconnected, maybe you clearly state that to your partner and ask for more quality time together. Or it could be as simple as, “When we’re having dinner, can you keep your phone on do not disturb?”
As a couple, be intentional about your relationship. Plan how you’ll handle certain situations together. Work together as a team instead of unilaterally. Doing so helps with rebuilding trust in your relationship.
Communicate more
Many relationships break down because of a lack of communication. To recover from infidelity, communicate with one another more. Be more open and honest about how you feel, what’s happening for you, and what you’d like from your partner. They may not be able to accommodate your request but you never know unless you ask. And if they can’t, there may be room for compromise or they can help brainstorm a way to meet that need.
Communicating more could also mean communicating differently. One effective method is active listening, which rebuilds trust in your relationship by listening without judgment and paraphrasing what your partner said to check if you heard them properly.
Seek professional help
Sometimes what a couple needs to recover from infidelity is professional help. As a couples therapist in Dallas, I, or one of my colleagues at Vantage Point Counseling Services, act as a neutral third party. We offer an outside perspective on what’s happening in your relationship and create a safe space for you to express how you’re feeling and ways to cope. We are there to point out patterns in your relationship that you may be unaware of that are causing friction in your relationship. By working with the underlying issues, we can help you rebuild trust in your relationship and recover from infidelity.
If you’re in Texas and need help recovering from infidelity or want more support in your relationship, check out our relationships counseling and couple therapy page as well asour contact page.
