For people beginning to accept that they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or gender-diverse, the path toward self-understanding can feel overwhelming. One of the most painful fears many people face is the fear of rejection from family, friends, or their community. That fear can make this part of your journey deeply vulnerable.
In moments like this, some people consider seeking out a “reparative” or “conversion” therapist in hopes of making the discomfort disappear. The fear is understandable. But pursuing this type of therapy is one of the most harmful things you can do to yourself or a loved one. Here’s why.
What Reparative Therapy Really Is
Reparative therapy, also known as Sexual Orientation Change Efforts (SOCE) or conversion therapy, is based on a false premise: that heterosexuality and cisgender expression are “normal,” while all other identities are “abnormal” or “broken.”
Organizations that advocate for these methods often use flawed or misrepresented research to support their claims. The result is devastating — people are made to feel that their natural identities are pathological, defective, or sinful. That message breeds shame, and shame is the fuel that keeps reparative therapy alive.
Even though LGBTQ+ rights have advanced, stigma still runs deep in many families, faith communities, and social circles. That stigma can create isolation and hopelessness, leading some to believe that the only way to regain connection or belonging is to change who they are.
The Role of Family and Cultural Pressure
Sometimes people enter reparative therapy programs because their families, churches, or communities believe that being LGBTQ+ is “wrong” or something that can be fixed. These pressures are often framed as love or concern, but they ultimately reject an essential truth — that sexuality and gender identity are not choices to be changed.
No matter how well-intentioned these family members may be, encouraging someone to seek out conversion therapy causes deep harm. The belief that LGBTQ+ identity is a moral failure or spiritual flaw only deepens shame and self-rejection. Instead of healing relationships, it tears them further apart.
Sexual Orientation and Gender Are Not Changeable
Even Sigmund Freud, whose theories are now largely outdated, acknowledged that sexuality and gender are not changeable traits. Yet many SOCE programs still claim to use “psychodynamic” or “attachment-based” methods, insisting that being gay, bisexual, or transgender stems from childhood trauma or disrupted family bonds.
There is no credible scientific evidence to support these claims. Major professional organizations, including the American Psychological Association (APA) and the American Psychiatric Association, have denounced reparative and conversion therapies as ineffective, unethical, and dangerous.
The Harm of Reparative Therapy
Mounting evidence shows that reparative therapy is psychologically harmful and often traumatic. Even programs that try to rebrand themselves as “authentic,” “faith-based,” or “gentle” versions of SOCE rely on the same tactics — instilling shame and self-doubt.
Shame isolates. It whispers that you are unworthy of love or belonging. As shame grows, so do rates of depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and substance use. The underlying message — that you should not be who you are — undermines every basic human need for connection, authenticity, and acceptance.
The most powerful antidote to shame is self-acceptance. That doesn’t mean the process is easy. It can take time to unlearn years of judgment and internalized stigma. But choosing to embrace who you are is the only sustainable path to wholeness.
Sexual Orientation and Gender Expression Are Not Addictions
Another modern twist on reparative therapy is the claim that LGBTQ+ identities or same-sex attractions are “addictive” or symptoms of behavioral problems. This is false.t
Some programs avoid the term “conversion therapy,” instead advertising “sexual integrity counseling” or “biblical recovery.” They may claim to “accept” clients while covertly teaching that sexual or gender diversity must be suppressed or managed.
True affirming therapy does not treat your identity as a problem. It creates space for you to explore who you are safely, without judgment, and with the understanding that diversity in sexuality and gender is part of the human experience.
If you’re seeking help, ask directly whether a therapist is LGBTQ+-affirming or trans-affirming. Trust your instincts — if you don’t feel safe, seen, or respected, you deserve to find a therapist who meets you with full acceptance.
For Families: What Real Support Looks Like
Reparative therapy doesn’t just target LGBTQ+ individuals, it also preys on families. Parents and loved ones are often told that encouraging “change” is an act of love. But these promises only create false hope and deepen alienation.
Families that engage with affirming therapists, by contrast, are given tools to process their own emotions, questions, and grief without shaming their loved one. This is a coming-out process for families too in that it’s a gradual shift from fear and confusion toward compassion and understanding.
The truth is simple but profound: your love and acceptance are the most powerful supports you can offer.
Moving Toward Healing and Acceptance
If you or someone you love is struggling with identity, remember that healing doesn’t come from rejection — it comes from connection. Everyone deserves to live without shame, to love and be loved, and to experience belonging for exactly who they are.
Therapy should never teach you to hide or erase yourself. Instead, it should help you live authentically, reconnect with your worth, and rebuild relationships rooted in truth and acceptance.
