Letting Go to Deal with Erectile Dysfunction
Many men who are dealing with erectile dysfunction struggle with letting go of a level of control. This control often surrounds perceptions. Perceptions of what sex should look like, what they should look like, how they should behave, and what the outcome of the experience should be. They hold constructs of what kind of a sexual partner they want to be. This isn’t bad. In fact, many fantasies include these constructs. What becomes problematic is that these become rigid. Thus, when they don’t workout as planned, they can lead to shame, frustration, and anxiety.
Sexual shame can create even more issues with erectile dysfunction. Because of its basic emotional nature, shame impacts physiological functioning. This can make people close up their vulnerability to protect themselves. Many men who are dealing with ED don’t recognize the role that this feeling plays in their lives. They respond to the symptom, but they aren’t aware of the emotional causes.
This disparity between the mind and body can make the body close off. Such closing is an understandable response. In fact, it’s even arguable that this is an instinctual way of dealing with shame. However, this closing off can impact you during a vulnerable time, such as having sex. This can obviously work against the goal that you’re trying to achieve.
Many times men don’t believe that they’re struggling with this level of vulnerability. Their thought processes tell them that they are fine with such vulnerability. However, their bodies are sharing a different story.
The answer to this is learning to let go of some of the constructs go. This will makes it so men can walk through some of the shame and things can begin to flow again. Sex has flow to it. It can be good, great, fun, bad, clumsy, etc. Thus, when men practice acceptance, rather than rigid control, they’re more likely to overcome their erectile issues. They stop worrying about “sexual performance” and walk back into curiosity. This offers a space that is more likely to offer some successes, which can be relied upon for future confidence.
Confidence is an important part of dealing with this issue. However, many are mistaken that confidence is built on the back of control and vulnerability avoidance. That’s not the case at all. In fact, confidence can come from some more negative experiences, as long as hopelessness doesn’t overtake you. Going from a negative experience, and turning it into a positive can be exciting.
Keep in mind that letting go of such extreme control is a process. It takes time and practice. The first step is always recognizing where you’re taking a lot of control in the first place. Then you identify where you might have a level of rigidity. Then you can practice staying with the body, and being mindful of the experience. If you’ve never lived in this mindful way, this can be difficult at first. However, in time, when your body starts to open up, confidence can start to rebuild.
