sex therapy for sexual problems

What is Sex Therapy?

What is Sex Therapy?

Sex therapy can be surprisingly confusing to people. Why exactly would people seek the help of mental health professionals for help with their sexual problems? Many of the sexual issues that people want help with include symptoms that people view as problematic. These can include issues with erections, a lack of physical desire, and problems with orgasm. Typically when we deal with physical symptoms, we go to our doctors and they prescribe us with something to help reduce the symptoms. In fact, a lot of people who want sex therapy have already done this. So it makes sense that people are puzzled when they are given a bunch of work to do around communication, emotional identification, stress management, self-esteem, etc. It’s difficult to see how it all relates.

In the olden days of sex therapy, the focus of helping people was primarily focused on humans as biological beings. The idea was that we are physiologically wired to need sex. So if the physiology could be fixed, then sex would just sort of happen. Although this seemed promising, the success didn’t last in ongoing research. Later people found that there were several factors that influenced how people functioned sexually.

What causes sexual dysfunctions?

In 2018, I conducted a study where I interviewed several therapists about what was actually causing dysfunctions? Needless to say, I got a myriad of responses. I ended up categorizing these responses to help synthesize the information. There were 7 basic categories of what caused sexual dysfunctions: cultural, emotional, physical, mental, experiences, developmental, and relationships. You can see, physical was only one of the root causes. What is even more complicated is that there is rarely one root cause. These categories tend to interact and influence each other. For example, you can feel certainemotionsabout yourrelationshipand thus struggle with aphysical symptom like erectile dysfunction.

If that sounds complex, it’s because it is. One of the biggest stumbling blocks I have seen in people who are trying to make changes in their sex lives is fighting to simplify what is complex. Those who just accept that it’s complex set themselves up to better enjoy small successes. Others who fight and feel that sex should be easy or just happen naturally continue to have ongoing problems.

Our society teaches us that sex should be easy. So when it’s not, you’re likely to fall into a shame trap. Recognize that this is BS.

What sex therapists will do to help.

Sex therapists want you to step away from the BS. Rather than focusing on how sexshould be, it’s much better to begin by enjoying it as it is. Then you have a foundation to build on. When you get caught up in comparing your sexuality with the sexuality of others, you’re not likely going to be successful. This includes focusing too heavily on penetration and erections. Look, you can have a goal of moving towards a sexual experience that you want to have. But you need to also have insight into why that’s important. And if you’re insistent on only one specific sexual experience, you’re getting too rigid. I can tell you that this was a common example of a mental root cause of ongoing sexual dysfunction. See how we can get in our own way?

Opening our minds isn’t just about succeeding in fulfilling a fantasy. It’s opening our minds to the possibility of accepting how things are now. That doesn’t mean you have to give up your goals. What it means is that you don’t have to be on a miserable, unfulfilled journey along the way.

Sex therapists don’t only help you focus on the goal, they help you appreciate the journey. They’ll push you to work on communication to help your relationship, mental work to help you identify sources of insecurities, and even help you resolve past wounds. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

_____________________________________________________________________________

If you’re in the Dallas area and you’re looking for a therapist to help you with your sexual relationship with others or yourself, please feel free to contact us today.

Share
Facebook
Twitter
Pinterest
LinkedIn

Recent Posts

When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed/Activated During an Argument

When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed/Activated During an Argument Personally, and professionally, I’ve noticed that seldomly do we find ourselves able to argue without our emotions getting the best of us. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing! Becoming activated or flooded during a conflictual conversation with a loved one or our partner

Share

Overcoming Avoidance to Heal Your Sexual Problems

Overcoming Avoidance to Heal Your Sexual Problems One of the biggest culprits that can prevent you from making changes is avoidance. It’s easy to get all-or-nothing about how you want sex to happen. People have ideas of sex working for them, which is fine… until it isn’t. What often happens

Share

How Sex Addiction Can Affect Your Partner

How Sex Addiction Can Affect Your Partner Sex addiction can cause relationship, career, and personal issues. It is obvious that people who are dealing with out of control sexual behavior need to build a plan and support system. However, individuals and the therapy field often forgets about the consequences that

Share

Porn Addiction Information

Porn Addiction Information With the rise in popularity of the internet, behavioral addictions have become even more common. Whether it be computer games, online gambling, cybersex, or pornography, it can be difficult to understand what is going on in an individual’s body, mind, and heart. Watching pornography, meeting up with

Share
compulsivity porn usage numbing tool

When Porn is a Compulsive Numbing Tool

When Porn is a Compulsive Numbing Tool If you read about compulsive porn use, there’s a lot of information that takes the discussion about problematic porn use to the extremes: it’s either always a problem or it’s never a problem. Like most things, the answer of whether or not it’s

Share