Wanting a Better Sex Life? Get Out of Your Head

When you’re wanting to make a change, it makes sense that you would want to think in order to make a plan that will supposedly make a change. But what happens when this doesn’t work?

People often focus on thinking through the problem, naming possible solutions, and yet nothing changes! So they get logical and try to think through it again, make new solutions, and still nothing changes! This can go on for years. And in those years people often build resentment and even give up.

Obviously, something needs to change, but this article isn’t about the solutions. Because before you’ll get any solutions, you have to change the dynamics that are keeping you stuck. Your logic, oddly, is keeping you stuck.

I recommend people focus on a few other things:

  1. Physical sensations.
  2. Emotions.
  3. Connection. 

Physical: What changes when you hold your partners hand for example? What do you sense that tells you how you know that? Just focus on your body without trying to make meaning or control it. Just learn about it some. Over time, you can take this information with you and negotiate options with your partner, but it’s best to focus on just learning about various pleasures, displeasures, and other things in your body. 

Emotions: Look at your partner in the eye. What do you feel? What emotional words would you use? What words do you want to feel instead? 

Connection: What does a connection mean to you? How do you know when you’re experiencing a connection? 

Now you can figure out how you would combine these things. For example, what emotions do you feel when you are experiencing a connection? What does connection feel like in your body? What kind of touch would help you feel better connected?

Also, I don’t want you to think that you have to forget your mind, thoughts, and beliefs. But so often, people are heavily in tune with these things already, so they take center stage. As you gain awareness of these other arenas, you can then bring your thoughts and beliefs into this. 

After you get some practice tuning into these other elements and combining them with your thoughts, you can identify options on how you can bring this more into your sex lives. So put trust in other parts of your body and mind to help guide you through stuck points in your sex life and you’ll be shocked at the results. 

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If you’re in Texas and you’re looking for a therapist to help you with your relationship and sex life, please feel free to contact us at any time. 

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