One strategy to dealing with an addictive behavior is to trade out negative, problematic behaviors for more positive ones. Exercise, work, and diet are all behaviors that can replace negative behaviors. However, even these behaviors can cause problems in your life if you’re not careful.
Earlier in your recovery, we welcome these kinds of positive behavioral changes. The long-term goals of recovery are to find much more balance in your life. It’s important to make time for connections and leisure, and if you’re overworking, you’ll miss out on these opportunities.
You also want to work on your ability to manage stress. When you’re working too hard and too much, your stress levels will obviously increase. However, you could also be forgetting about stress management skills that you’ve learned over the years. This can mount up over time and increase the odds that you’ll experience a relapse.
What is workaholism
Many people who are living with addictions fall into patterns of workaholism. Workaholism can be defined as a struggle to step away from working or work-related tasks. This relentless drive to work can be a mask for underlying pain. Over time, this can become a cycle where self-care is overshadowed by the compulsion to stay busy and personal connections suffer as a result.
As an addiction therapy practice, we work a lot with with people who are dealing with various types of addictions and personal traumas. We see how workaholism masks these issues and that this compulsion to overwork might be intertwined with issues such as sex addiction, relationship strain, or personal trauma. In this article, I’ll be discussing how these things interact.
Workaholism: A Cultural Badge of Honor?
Our society often equates relentless working with success. We’re taught that hard work equals excellence. The truth is that many people are using work to detach from uncomfortable feelings and pain. Work can become a refuge from discomfort and emotional pain. Unfortunately, it’s only a temporary shelter, which fails to address the underlying causes of addiction. Although work helps you detach from these experiences, it doesn’t help to create changes in addictive patterns or the underlying things that contribute to these patterns. Over time, these patterns can be harmful to your relationships.
Overworking behavior patterns are often romanticized by our workplaces. [pullquote2 style=”right” quote=”dark”]Overextending yourself and overworking is a norm in our culture. However, norms aren’t always healthy. When it comes to workaholism, it’s important to challenge the norm and learn how to deactivate, connect, and relax. [/pullquote2]
Just like other problematic behaviors, the biggest challenge can be identifying the problem. Because workaholism is normalized, it can be difficult to see it as a problem.
It can also be difficult to separate overworking from having meaningful goals, which is actually a positive thing. There is a middle ground here. One one hand, you can engage in work in way that reflects your values. On the other end, you can get caught up fears of not being enough for your supervisor, clients, or even your co-workers, etc.
When you’re working with other addictions such as sex addiction , workaholism is often another obsessive behavior that these clients regularly deal with. Overfunctioning is one common theme with many addicts because it helps with managing intense feelings. What I mean by over functioning is over extending yourself without identifying personal boundaries.
I’m certainly not suggesting that you should be lazy or careless about your job or career. However, there is a middle ground here, which often gets lost in fear about not being enough to your supervisor, clients, or even your co-workers, etc.
The Perilous Work and Perfectionism Cyclone
Caught in a cycle of striving for external validation through work, you can end up feeling unappreciated and overextended. There is a cycle that often happens when you fail to hold personal boundaries with your workplace. When the perception that you wish others had about you doesn’t match how you feel about yourself, you can fall into a maladaptive work and perfectionism cyclone. This is where workaholics work harder to become noticed, thanked, recognized, or praised.
This rarely works out in the long run. The more you do, the more it’s expected and under appreciated. The lack of recognition and appreciation continues, because those around you have become dependent on the extra work that you’re doing. They don’t notice it at all. To further perpetuate this cycle, in the rare situations that someone does notice your hard work, many workaholics don’t feel like it was genuine or that the thankfulness was adequate for the work accomplished. The times where you went unnoticed still stand strong, and the cycle then continues. The bar then gets lifted again, with the thinking that if you further increase the threshold of work, then someone will notice you in a way that makes you feel worthy.
Overworking to Avoid
Avoidance is extremely common in people who are dealing with addictions. Whether it’s the vulnerability that goes with building strong connections or it’s dealing with stressful situations in your life, work can serve as a distraction. Unfortunately, avoidance just leads to more and more problems in the long-run.
Working can create an illusion of productivity. Although you may be being productive in one arena, you maybe falling short in others. This is why it’s critical to create a plan of finding balance between different needs in your life. Hobbies, leisure, relationships and work all have to balance out. Working on balance in this way is a day-to-day task.
Self-esteem vs. other-esteem
Pia Mellody often talks about this concept of other esteem. This is where we fail to esteem ourselves and instead focus on trying to get our esteem from the outside. This can be a root cause of workaholism. It’s critical to orient to more confidence in your own abilities and qualities. This takes time and practice. Over time, you can focus on appreciating your skill and talents. What do you appreciate about the work that you do? It’s nice to have compliments and attention, but we have to balance that we our own beliefs about our work.
Setting Boundaries Against the Backdrop of Workaholism
Navigating through the professional world with its skewed perception of workaholism is daunting. After all, your supervisor is just as likely to value workaholism as you are. On the surface these behavior patterns appears admirable. In fact, in the beginning, the efforts are all based in good intentions. Over time, even good intentions can’t protect you from burnout and serious fatigue.
Establishing firm boundaries is crucial. In our practice, we have to help clients separate themselves from the facade that they’ve create–a boundary-less person who has a limitless energy reserve. Boundaries are confusing in this way. The good intentions and workplace cultural value of workaholism can push you to ignore your boundaries. At the same time, nothing will change when you fail to recognize your own burnout.
Vulnerability and Support in Overcoming Workaholism
Accepting periods of unease and acknowledging your emotions is a significant step in trauma and addiction recovery . Being uncomfortable with confrontation, especially if it’s with a supervisor who could terminate you from your job, is understandable. It is true, that you have to be cautious when confronting supervisors about issues, because not all supervisors are open to feedback. Some people, though, do not communicate their problems to the ones who can actually make a change for them, yet continue to expect these things to change, and then get frustrated when everything remains the same.
Workaholism is a serious issue that is often disguised as ambition and altruism. In order to take control of these issues, finding other social supports is vital. It’s also important to learn to tolerate greater levels of vulnerability. It’s normal to have periods of feeling uneasy or uncertain. It’s also important to identify feelings and emotions that you might be trying to avoid. Common feelings that are avoided with workaholism are insecurity, anxiety, loneliness, and weakness. If you identify these feelings, you can do something about them.
It’s also important to get support. Talk to someone at work who you can trust and who can make change, or at least will listen to you. Be careful not to become passive-aggressive by trying to make changes through manipulating others to feel sorry for you. Find a therapist to help you identify what things are missing in your life to learn more about how you go to this place. Over time, and with a lot patience and practice, you will regain a balance in your life and learn to maintain this balance.
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If you’re in the Dallas area and looking for a therapist who can help you rediscover balance in your life, feel free to contact us to see how we might be able to help.
