Why You Might Be Hesitant to Seek Therapy
Let’s be real—talking about emotions isn’t exactly what society expects from men. Maybe you grew up hearing things like “boys don’t cry.” I mean many of us know The Cure song, right? You may have also heard that you need to “man up” when things start getting tough in your life. But here’s the thing: struggling in silence doesn’t make life easier. In fact, it can make things even worse. Although it’s uncomfortable sitting with and expressing negative feelings, it’s also important. Depression, anxiety, and stress won’t just evaporate if you ignore them. Instead, they’ll build up, intensify and take over.
Did you know that while nearly 1 in 10 men deal with anxiety or depression, less than half will ever get treatment? Even more alarming, men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women. That’s not because men feel pain any less—it’s because many of us were never taught how to handle it in a healthy way.
(Please get help now if you’re having thoughts of suicide by calling a therapist, a suicide hotline, or 988 if you’re having an emotional emergency).
What’s Holding You Back from Therapy?
“I Should Be Able to Handle This on My Own.”
If you’ve ever thought this, you’re not alone. Society tells men that independence equals strength. But let’s flip that thinking: Strength isn’t about doing everything alone. It’s about knowing when to ask for support.
Therapy isn’t about sitting on a couch complaining—it’s about getting tools that actually help you feel better, think clearer, and move forward. It’s like going to the gym for your mind.
“I Don’t Want to Talk About My Feelings.”
Not every therapy session involves painful, deep emotional talks. Sometimes, it’s about learning practical ways to manage stress, deal with anger, or break unhealthy patterns. You also build a trusting relationship to openly talk about all kinds of things in your life. Therapy can give you real strategies to make life easier.
Finding the Right Therapist
Maybe you’d feel more comfortable talking to another guy—but male therapists can be hard to find. The good news? A great therapist doesn’t have to be the same gender as you. What matters most is finding someone who understands where you’re coming from and makes you feel comfortable.
If you’re not sure where to start, try looking for a therapist who specializes in men’s mental health or issues like stress management, relationships, or addiction.
Common Misconceptions Men Have About Therapy
Even if you’re open to the idea of therapy, you might still have some doubts based on what you’ve heard or assumed.
Here are some common misconceptions about therapy that you may have.
1. “Therapy is Only for People in Crisis.”
A lot of people think you have to be at your wits-end to seek out therapy. That’s just not true. In fact, I wouldn’t recommend you wait that long if you can help it. Therapy isn’t just for emergencies—it’s for anyone who wants to improve their life, relationships or feelings about themselves. Just like you don’t need to be out of shape to go to the gym, you don’t need to be in crisis to benefit from therapy. Whether you’re dealing with stress, relationship struggles, or just want to understand yourself better, therapy can help.
2. “Therapists Just Give You a Bunch of Advice.”
Therapy isn’t about a therapist giving you a list of instructions to follow. Sure, sometimes you’ll be given advice if the situation warrants it. However, therapists have conversations with you to help you figure things out for yourself. A good therapist won’t tell you how to live your life but will guide you in making your own decisions with more clarity and confidence.
3. “Talking About My Problems Will Make Them Worse.”
Some people worry that focusing on negative emotions will just amplify them. Actually, avoiding problems doesn’t make them disappear. It usually makes them build up until they explode. I often say that any storage unit can only hold so much before it starts overflowing. Our minds and bodies are no exception to this. Therapy helps you process and work through your challenges in a way that makes them easier to handle over time.
4. “I’ll Have to Talk About Things I Don’t Want to Share.”
You control what you talk about in therapy. If you’re not ready to open up about certain things, that’s okay. I often get excited when a client says no because he’s practicing good boundaries! A good therapist will work with you at your pace and focus on what you’re comfortable discussing. Over time, as trust builds, you might find it easier to open up.
Real Talk: Therapy Can Change Your Life
(The following are examples of cases based on clinical experiences, but aren’t based on exact cases to protect the confidentiality of our clients).
Meet Mike, who struggled to cope after shocking divorce.
Mike ran his own business, had 2 kids, and was married for 7 years. He never really thought therapy was for him. In fact, he often thought therapy was for people who were being “dramatic” or “weak” about their every day problems.
This changed though when Mike went through a major life change. His wife left him out of nowhere. She didn’t give him much of an explanation and just said announced she was filing for a divorce. This was extremely difficult for him to cope with.
Mike felt stuck, depressed, and isolated. He started to feel like he was burdening the people around him and got the sense that they were tired of hearing about how upset he was.
He read a lot of books about coping and dealing with grief, but after months of barely sleeping, snapping at his family, and feeling constantly stressed, he gave therapy a shot. It took a little bit to get used to talking openly about his feelings, but over time he started trusting the relationship and began appreciating the space to talk openly about his feelings. He realized his grief was completely normal. He also learned more about how to work with his emotions and listen to them rather than work against them.
Or take David, who was dealing with addiction.
David struggled with addiction for years. He had tried therapy before, but wasn’t really ready to open up at that time. David also attended 12 step support groups and although it helped to share and it was good to have a sponsor, he realized that he needed to do some deeper work to further lower his risk of relapse.
David participated in individual and group therapy. Both of these settings helped him realize he wasn’t alone. He learned about how important it is to identify shame and learn better ways of managing it.
Finally, David did deeper work to realize that he had some unfinished business in past that was impacting his current behavior patterns. After doing some therapeutic work with EMDR and Somatic Experiencing, he was able to create an even more effective relapse prevention plan to lower his risk of acting out again.
Therapy is About Gaining Control, Not Losing It
Anger, stress, depression—these don’t have to control your life. Therapy isn’t about “fixing” you. It’s about helping you feel more in control of your life. It’s about giving you the tools to handle whatever comes your way.
So if you’ve ever thought about therapy but hesitated, consider this your sign to give it a shot.
Ready to Take the First Step?
If you’re in the Dallas area and looking for a therapist, my colleagues and I are here to help. We specialize in men’s mental health and understand the unique challenges you face. Reach out today and take the first step toward feeling better.
