You likely already know what anxiety is but to make sure we’re on the same page, anxiety is defined as a feeling of fear, dread, and uneasiness. Physical symptoms of anxiety include sweating, tension, a rapid heartbeat, and shallow breathing high in the chest. Everyone feels anxious from time to time – it’s normal! A first date, a job interview, or trying something new may all bring up feelings of anxiety.
Anxiety is a difficult feeling but it serves an important function – it’s a survival mechanism. It’s like an alarm bell signaling there’s a threat. Anxiety is trying to keep you safe from things that can hurt you. It becomes a problem when the alarm bell doesn’t shut off. That can be debilitating and cause people to avoid situations, numb themselves, or become reactive. As a Dallas therapist, I’ve seen anxiety cause problems with work, relationships, and family. I’ve seen it lead to problems with addictions, relationships, self-belief, and self-esteem.
It makes sense why people want to go to war with anxiety when it’s wreaking such havoc on their lives. But the best thing they can do is learn about it, learn to live with it, and build practices so anxiety doesn’t become so debilitating. You can have anxiety and still support your relationships, work life, and self-esteem. Failing to create these practices can lead to adverse consequences that can seep into all areas of your life.
Why You Are Anxious
Have you ever wondered why anxiety seems to show up uninvited? One moment you’re fine, and the next, you’ve got that buzzy feeling or tension inside. Or you find yourself obsessing about something that is out of your control.
I know it seems like it comes out of nowhere, but anxiety isn’t as random as it seems. It’s a built-in feeling made to keep you safe. You could even say it’s your body trying to protect you. Even though it’s a good thing that your body tries to keep you safe, there can be too much of a good thing. When it comes to anxiety, your body may be over-preparing you for dangerous situations.
Without having a session together, it’s hard for me to answer the question, “Why am I anxious?” but generally speaking, something most likely happened in your past that trained you into believing whatever it is you’re anxious about is a threat. If you’ve experienced a past trauma, anxiety shows up to try to keep the trauma from happening again. For example, if you were hit by a car as a pedestrian, your heart may race every time you cross the street for a while. Your body is saying, “This is dangerous! I may get hit again!”
Anxiety gets a bad rap but it isn’t always missing the mark. In the case of the car accident, it’s true, crossing the street can be dangerous and you may get hit again. Anxiety makes sense but if the fear of crossing the street doesn’t abate in time, that’s when it becomes a problem, and seeing a professional such as myself can help.
There are also times when it seems like the feeling of anxiety comes out of nowhere but nonetheless is triggered by something. It can be hard to pinpoint the trigger but the body is always responding to something. Sometimes that’s outside your conscious awareness but working with a therapist can help shed light on what’s happening.
Again, anxiety is a normal feeling but you can make the feeling worse by engaging in certain kinds of thinking including the following:
- assuming
- reading other people’s minds
- making everything about you
- overanalyzing situations
- trying to foresee every future outcome
Most of these ways of thinking are an attempt to make the unknown known because the unknown is scary. The idea is if you foresee what will happen, you’ll be able to prepare for it. But the truth is people are terrible at predictions and often the future outcome is something they never imagined. Instead of expending energy trying to read someone else’s mind, it’s better to either ask them or keep the focus on yourself.
Your Anxiety Doesn’t Always Come From Major Traumatic Events
Nothing extremely intense has to happen to create a lasting effect. For example, you could’ve just been raised around anxious parents. This can be even trickier to identify as a source or an issue later in your life.
This doesn’t mean your parents were bad or anything like that. Instead, it just means that their difficulties handling anxiety impacted how you handle stressful situations. This can include stress at work or at home or with your friendships or your romantic relationships.
It can be helpful to look into your past to identify if you had major, traumatic events that impacted you. However, this can be really difficult for some people to pin-point. The good news is you can still improve on your anxiety and heal even if you can’t identify these things.
How to Manage Anxiety
The first step in managing anxiety is to identify that you’re feeling it. There’s nothing shameful about anxiety and also, you’re not alone. Many people feel anxious! With time and practice, you can learn to experience these feelings without letting them derail you. You can learn to live your life by accepting what you can’t control and finding balance in your boundaries, connections, and life experiences.
First, though, to manage anxiety identify your triggers and stressors. Recognize when you’re feeling anxious so you can address it before it becomes a serious problem in your relationships, work life, and family life. Are you anxious every time you spend time with a certain person? Does grocery shopping stress you out? Learn when you feel anxious so you can do something about that.
Second, determine what you can control. If grocery shopping at peak hours causes anxiety, can you shop at different times? Or pay for a delivery service? What is it you can do to manage your anxiety? Some people may say, “So-and-so makes me anxious. If only they would change, I would feel fine.” As tempting as it is to focus on other people, we cannot change others, we can only change ourselves. How can you keep yourself safe knowing the other person may keep doing what they’re doing?
Remember when I said, “you don’t have to remember everything from your past to heal?” Well, this is because you can use mindfulness such as Somatic Experiencing to help facilitate your body healing in the present. Again, anxiety is largely based in your body’s threat signals. The good news is that your body has the ability to reorient to the lack of threat happening around you as well. You just have to learn how to facilitate this.
Lastly, doing all the things you already know are good for you – deep breathing, eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, and connecting with friends – will help manage anxiety and keep it from wrecking your life. By acknowledging your anxiety and taking proactive steps to manage it, you can lead a more balanced and fulfilling life. Remember, it’s a journey, and every step you take toward understanding and managing your anxiety is a step towards a healthier, happier you.
If you’re struggling with anxiety and would like professional help, my colleagues and I are here for you. As therapists, we provide guidance and resources tailored to your needs. Contact us today to take the first step toward healing your anxiety.
