How to Cope When You’re Afraid of Relationships
There are plenty of old stereotypes about being afraid of commitment. However, there’s a big difference when it comes to a fear of commitment and actually being afraid of relationships.
When you are afraid of relationships or have relationship anxiety, it can make you feel alone and isolated. If you’re already in a relationship, your fear can push you away from your partner.
Learning more about your fear of relationships and some of the underlying causes can help.
The more you’re aware of anxiety and fear the better you can manage negative thinking. Thus, enabling you to feel comfortable in relationships again.
Understanding Your Fear
If you find yourself unable to handle relationships due to fear, it’s important to understand why you feel that way.
Underlying Causes
Some underlying causes are more obvious than others. Of course, some are also harder to overcome than others.
Everyone possesses a little bit of fear when it comes to relationships. The more invested you become in a relationship, the more vulnerable you are. Which, can be scary for anyone.
But, there’s a difference between that subtle fear of falling and failing and the crippling fear of getting into a relationship.
Negative Self-Talk
People who have a fear of relationships are usually responding to the negative self-talk inside their head. This can have to do with your own shortcomings, your general feelings on relationships, or negative generalities about a potential partner.
Maybe you tell yourself that relationships never work out. Or, you think you’ll just end up getting hurt. These thoughts can quickly convince you that it’s easier to stay out of relationships and avoid the heartache.
Negative self-talk can also make you feel inadequate, suggesting things like:
- You’ll never find someone who “gets” you.
- You’re not good enough for him/her.
- You’ll be better off alone.
- He/she won’t like the real you.
How Fear of Relationships Impacts Your Life
Many factors come into play when you’re afraid of relationships. You can become increasingly clingy toward your partner because you’re so afraid they’ll leave. Or, you might become controlling in your relationship because you feel threatened.
People respond to this fear differently and take different actions as a result.
Sometimes, people can actually “punish” their partners because they simply don’t know how to cope. It creates a tense (and sometimes dangerous) environment for everyone involved.
How to Handle Relationship Anxiety
Obviously, being afraid of relationships makes it difficult to be in a successful one. When you deal with negative self-talk, it’s not uncommon to sabotage your chances at a healthy relationship.
Yet, it’s not impossible to move through these fears and find love. It just takes a little guidance, and a willingness to become more self-aware.
The most important thing you can do to overcome your fear of relationships is to focus on what is actually causing your fear. Don’t look to your partner or what’s going on in your relationship. Instead, look inside yourself.
Discovering why you’re afraid of relationships isn’t always easy. It could dig into areas of your past that you may want to forget. But, understanding these causes is essential to moving forward and finding hope in your relationship.
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If you’re struggling in your current relationship or you have a fear of starting one, let’s start on this journey together. We can look at what has caused you to feel insecure or scared in the past.
Once you have a better understanding of those underlying fears, you can start to manage and overcome them in order to have a successful and fulfilling relationship.
