Relationship Problems are Hard, but They’re Also Normal and Extremely Common
Romantic relationships can be one of the most rewarding things you can ever have. This is someone you can share your life and experiences with. At the same time, long-term relationships are extremely difficult. As the relationship develops, conflicts always arise and insecurities get exposed.
Regardless of how much love and commitment you share with your partner, you’ll encounter moments of strain and frustrations at some point. There are several problems that are common in relationships. Miscommunication, trust issues, or relationship growing pains, are all common things that people face in their relationships. These challenges don’t mean that your relationship is doomed to fail. Actually, these things are opportunities for growth.
Strengthening Your Bond Through Tough Times
In this article, I’ll be discussing 9 common relationship issues and solutions to practice for each of these problems. If handled incorrectly, these things can erode the foundation of your relationship. However, with the right strategies, you can work through the tough times and strengthen your connection.
1. Not Letting Jealousy Get the Best of You
Jealousy can be a tough feeling to manage, but it’s also something many of us experience in relationships. Maya Angelou once said, “Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure.” What does this mean? We romanticize some jealousy, but too much can lead to resentment because it can make you come across as insecure and controlling.
If you’re feeling a lot of jealousy, it’s important to recognize it as a sign of insecurity, rather than letting it turn into blame and accusations. Instead of keeping those feelings bottled up, try being open with your partner. i that you take responsibility for how you feel. Share how you’re feeling with “I” statements, such as “I’m feeling insecure about this,” rather than placing blame. You may find that simply talking about your feelings can ease the tension and bring you closer.
Boundaries are also critical in this feeling. It’s fine to ask for what you need as long as you’re negotiating this with your partner. Negotiation also means that you might not get your way. Practice acceptance and embracing the vulnerability that comes with building a strong connection. You can’t build a strong connection without risking getting hurt. The sooner you accept that, the less jealousy you’ll feel.
2. Working Through Secrecy and Lies
Whether you’re the one lying or you found out that your partner is lying to you, dishonesty can crack the very foundation of your relationship. That’s because trust can be greatly reduced or even destroyed when you’ve been lied to.
Finding out that your partner has lied can be painful. Just like many of the other items on this list, boundaries again are important here. You have to be very clear on the red lines in your relationship. What crosses a line for you in your relationship that would mean that your relationship is over? If you want to make it work, be clear on some things that can be done to start re-establishing trust.
If you’re the one who has told the lies, accountability and responsibility are key. Stay away from excuses and own the mistakes that you’ve made.
You also have to give the relationship time to heal. If you want to make your relationship work, betrayal takes time to heal. Trying to rush this won’t work and it’ll make your partner feel unseen.
You also need to recognize why you’ve lied to begin with. If you don’t have an understanding of your behaviors, you’re more likely to fall into old patterns. If you need help digging into this, finding a therapist can help.
3. Losing Yourself in the Relationship
In the excitement of a new relationship, it’s easy to hand all of your time, energy, and even yourself over to your partner. However, maintaining a connection with your own identity is just as important. If you lose yourself too much, your partner can feel smothered by you. This can also lead to resentment for you as well. When your partner isn’t meeting every one of your needs, you can feel critical and judgmental. Overall, this can lead to more disconnection.
Maintaining hobbies, friendships, and interests outside of your relationship allows you to bring fresh energy back into your relationship. You’ll have experiences and beliefs to share with your partner. You can learn about yourself in a variety of arenas, which will help you evolve. This also will help you to remain interesting while you bring these things to your partner.
If you’re feeling like you’ve lost a bit of yourself, it’s okay to gently remind yourself and your partner that you both need space and time with yourself and with others. Encourage each other to embrace independence can actually strengthen your bond, while also helping you create a deeper, more fulfilling connection.
4. Meeting Unmet Needs
Unmet needs can create problems in a few ways. On one hand, people who have the unmet need may not communicate this to their partner. Our society often treats relationships as though they’re most meaningful when someone can read your mind. I get it. You can feel really seen when someone anticipates your needs. However, we’re all adults and your needs are your responsibility.
First, you have to know how to communicate them and you have to take responsibility for your part in the relationship. You’re making choices to commit to a relationship. Thus, communicating and negotiating around your needs is on both of your shoulders.
This isn’t to say that you have no right to feel frustrated or lonely. Instead, it means you have to communicate this, decide what you want, and whether or not you’re willing to continue to work on things. If you are, then try and communicate it in a different way. Or put less meaning on not having to ask at all.
If you’re on the other side of this, you also hold responsibility here as well. You have to learn how to ask important questions and get to know your partner on a deeper level. What your partner is feeling, needing, and wanting should be a priority for you. If it’s not, you need to go out of your way to do a better job making it so.
5. Filling in Communication Gaps
I would say that all relationships can benefit from improving their communication skills. Making assumptions and getting into an attack-defend mode are the most common issues I see in relationship communication.
We’re wired to build a story from limited information. In our relationships, this can wreak havoc. In these situations, you’re likely to make up reasons why something is occurring. When we fill in the gaps in this kind of a way, it’s never good.
Many relationship struggles stem from misunderstandings, often because we expect our partners to “just know” what we need without saying it. This is where open communication becomes essential. If something doesn’t feel right, take the time to share what’s on your mind, using “I” statements to express your feelings without making your partner feel attacked. It’s okay to say, “I feel like we’re not connecting the way we used to,” and invite your partner into a conversation about how you both can improve communication. Small steps toward better understanding can make a big difference in your relationship.
6. Handling Life Changes in Your Relationship
Life is full of changes—new jobs, friends, babies, or even hobbies—and these shifts can sometimes disrupt the balance in your relationship. Relationships are supposed to bring stability to our lives. It’s normal to feel uneasy when things change, and it’s important to give yourself permission to feel those emotions without judgment. As time passes, you’ll settle back into something that feels reliable and consistent.
It’s also important to show up and support your partner when they experience changes in their lives. We change over time and so does the world around us. Whether it’s a career, family issues, or a health related problem, getting through life changes together can help to strengthen your connections and bond.
Instead of letting life’s changes create more distance between you, open up to your partner. Share how these shifts are impacting you. At the same time, be open and aware of your partner’s experiences with change as well. By supporting each other through life’s transitions, you can keep your connection strong, even when things feel uncertain.
7. Managing Sexual Issues
Sex is a personal and sensitive part of any relationship. It’s normal for it to evolve over time in any long-term relationship. Unfortunately, many couples experience a loss of sexual desire for each other. Physical changes and a lack of excitement are common factors that contribute to these issues.
Sex isn’t an issue in a relationship—until it is. People often struggle to talk about these issues when they become a problem. There’s a little joke that people laugh about in the sex education field: people can have sex, but they can’t talk about it. There is some truth to this. People often don’t like to talk about it and feel burdened by having to do so. Others can put negative meaning into the fact that they have to talk about their problems with sex.
Learning to communicate openly about sex is critical to a healthy, fulfilling sexual relationship. If you’re feeling disconnected physically, it’s important to have open and loving conversations with your partner about your desires and needs. One strategy that can often work is to use “I” statements when approaching this delicate topic. Using “I” statements helps soften the information while minimizing the chances of creating defensiveness or hurt feelings. By sharing your thoughts and exploring new ways of being intimate, you can reignite the spark and bring fresh excitement into your relationship. Remember, this is a journey you and your partner share, and it should be enjoyable and fulfilling for both of you. Find fun along the way. Give up rigid rules and you’ll find a surprising amount of sexual connection re-entering into your relationship.
8. Balancing Power Struggles
Power imbalances can create tension and resentment in relationships. Whether you’re the one feeling controlled or the one trying to dominate, it’s important to recognize these dynamics and strive for a more balanced relationship. Often, controlling behavior stems from feelings of insecurity or fear, so addressing these emotions with compassion and understanding is key.
If you feel controlled, it’s essential to protect your emotional and physical well-being by setting clear boundaries and standing firm in what you won’t tolerate. Open, honest communication is crucial in resolving power struggles–be assertive. By working together to create a more equal relationship, you can reduce tension and strengthen your connection.
9. Not Making Each Other a Priority
Our lives are busy with work, family, and other commitments. When you get this busy, it’s easy to unintentionally ignore your partner’s needs. It takes time and energy to listen to your partner and connections take work to build and enhance. Unfortunately, the exhaustion that comes from meeting all the expectations in our lives can leave your partner feeling neglected.
To strengthen your connection, you have to take care of yourself and your relationship. You need to get rest and give yourself enough leisure time to have the energy to work on your relationship. Then you can use that excess energy to spend quality time with your partner. Whether it’s date nights, shared hobbies, or making more time to listen and talk, this energy can reinforce your bond.
Navigating Your Relationship with Love and Compassion
While these tips can help address some of the most common relationship struggles, every relationship is unique, and some challenges may require more time, patience, or even professional support. If things seem overwhelming, looking for a sex therapist or relationship therapist can help. However, you can take steps in a positive direction by following the suggestions in the advice in this article.
Remember, this is a journey and a practice. It’ll take time and there will be mistakes along the way. Practice generosity and understanding where your boundaries aren’t violated. In the end, the effort you put into your relationship can bring you closer together and create a deeper, more meaningful connection.
If you’re in the Dallas area or anywhere in Texas, needing help with sex or relationships, please don’t hesitate to contact us. We offer online and in-person sessions.