Porn in Your Relationship: Here’s How to Set Boundaries
Porn plays different roles in people’s relationships. Some people don’t want their significant other engaging in it at all. Others couples watch porn together to fuel their own sexual desires.
The scope of how porn is involved in relationships and how it affects these relationships is wide.
But if porn has become a problem or potential problem in your relationship, setting boundaries can encourage trust. It’s paramount to set these guidelines even if you’re okay with your partner watching porn, or you want to engage in it yourself.
If you don’t set boundaries, one (or both) of you may end up eventually feeling hurt in some way. Setting boundaries with porn is a great way to establish sexual and emotional security within your relationship.
Be Clear About How Porn Impacts You
If you have a partner who watches porn, an important thing you can do is to be absolutely clear about how it makes you feel. If it upsets you, makes you feel rejected, or hurts you, let them know.
Most people in relationships aren’t out to intentionally hurt their partners. So if a porn habit really bothers you, your partner may be willing to change their behavior.
If you don’t have a problem with porn, be sure to express that, too. Talk to your partner about how it can be introduced into your relationship. What aspects of it are you willing to share with them, and what aspects of it would be “too much” for you?
The more open the two of you are about porn habits, the less likely it will be for something to catch you off guard if you see your partner watching it.
Explore Your Own Feelings About Porn
It’s important to really explore your feelings on pornography. Even more so, what core values either support or oppose pornography? Does it even fit into your life? And further still, do you have a moral opposition to it? Or, are you curious about it?
The more you explore your own background with pornography, the easier it will be to talk with your partner about it and to set boundaries that are safe and comfortable for you both.
Set Up Guidelines With Your Partner
Having an actual list or set of rules when it comes to porn in your relationship probably isn’t necessary. But, it’s a good idea to set up some general guidelines with your partner that can make porn a healthy part of your relationship, rather than a harmful one.
How to Establish Boundaries
These guidelines will be unique to you and your relationship, but some possibilities to include might be:
- Not watching porn when you feel angry or anxious (not using it to escape)
- Not watching porn every day
- Taking consistent breaks from watching it
- Not watching porn after a fight with your partner
- Understanding the difference between real-world intimacy and entertainment
- Understanding ethical porn and the proper treatment of women in the industry
Yes, pornography can absolutely have a place in a healthy relationship. Depending on you and your partner’s thoughts and desires, it can even become a way to feel more connected.
Remain Dedicated to Honesty
Many couples add a spark to their sex lives by doing things like reading erotic fiction to each other or choosing porn to watch together.
One of the biggest issues often attached to porn is secrecy. If you or your partner is trying to keep a porn habit a secret, it’s more likely to end up hurting someone and causing problems in the relationship.
Don’t be afraid to be open and honest with your feelings. Also, encourage your partner to do the same. In doing so, you can create helpful boundaries that will keep porn from destroying your relationship.
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Pornography and other sexual topics can be difficult to navigate. Please contact us for support in approaching these topics in your own relationship.
