How to Deal with Getting Ghosted in a Serious Relationship

Getting ghosted might be a newer way of saying it. But someone suddenly “disappearing” in a relationship is nothing new. And, no matter what you want to call it, it can be very painful for the person who was ghosted.

Being ghosted essentially means someone leaves or stands you up without warning. No phone calls, no text messages, and no explanations.

It’s more common in first dates or early on in relationships. It’s very common in our online dating world. However, it’s also common to get ghosted in a long-term, serious relationship. Unfortunately, that often makes the experience more painful.

Dealing with getting ghosted in a serious relationship is difficult. While you can’t ignore the feelings completely, there are things you can do to make the process of getting through it easier.

Give Yourself Time to Get Over It

Any kind of breakup or separation in a long-term relationship is difficult. Especially when the breakup blindsides you. After all, experiencing the pain of your partner simply “vanishing” is dreadful.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is acting as though it doesn’t bother them or trying to move on right away.

While moving on eventually is important, it’s equally important to give yourself time to grieve the relationship. Let your emotions out and find someone who will listen to how you feel.

It can help to have a support system in place. Friends, family, or even a therapist can help you deal with the things you might be feeling.

There needs to be a mourning period when something like this happens in a relationship.

Keep in mind that it won’t last forever. In fact, you can give yourself a “cut off” period. But, before that time, don’t be afraid to really set your emotions free and do what you need to grieve.

Don’t Over-Analyze

It’s tempting to think about what could have possibly gone wrong in your relationship for your partner to just leave. But, that often leads to over-analyzing, and it can set you up for a lot of extra pain.

The fact is, you may never fully know why they chose to leave. It could be something you did that they didn’t like, or it could be something going on in their own head. The possible reasons why they left are endless.

Trying to figure it all out will only cause you more pain. Plus, it won’t allow you the freedom to fully move on.

Sometimes, relationships that end in ghosting don’t have closure. Again, this can be difficult to handle. Yet, trying to keep in contact with your partner or figuring it out on your own will keep you “trapped” in the confines of the breakup for far too long.

You have to find closure within yourself in order to fully move on.

Think About What You’ve Learned

Whether a relationship is good or bad, we always learn something from it. Once you’ve gone through a period of mourning and you’re ready to move on in your life, it’s a good idea to think about what you experienced from your relationship.

Then, consider how you can use that to move forward in life.

Relationships help us to grow. You may never really understand why your partner left. Actually, that’s not even the most important thing. What you should focus on instead is how the entire experience can help you in your next relationship. Or, even with friendships or your personal growth.

If you’re really struggling after being ghosted in a serious relationship, don’t worry. The pain and confusion won’t last forever.

You may not be able to get the relationship off your mind. If this is the case, please contact us. Together, we can discuss more solutions that will help you to get through this difficult time, finding personal growth and peace.

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15 Comments
  1. My relationship of 4 months feels like it’s being ghosted. We’ve been together for awhile obviously so I never felt like this would’ve happened. He’s coming off distant lately with the cover up of how he’s stress over getting a new job. He’s been avoiding me for a couple of days and he’s response was “Hey what’s up I’m at home, won’t be able to hang out for a little while want to get resume and new job“. He expected me to not say anything else about it and I guess just let him talk to me whenever he felt like it. Being in a committed relationship like we had all this time I didn’t think it was acceptable and he should be reaching out to me if not no one else. I feel my time has been wasted of 4 months dating and he’s trying to throw it away over stress, and get a new job and a new life with someone else. This is not what I expected from my first ever relationship and boyfriend.

    • From my personal experience and what I’ve observed, you do not want to be the one twisting in the wind. He may be preoccupied and stressed. Okay, give him some space by being busy and unavailable. You don’t have to give specifics, but redirect yourself. Waiting for someone is a losing game. There’s no more effective way to get a guy off the fence. If he becomes insecure, opens up to you, be direct, be truthful, and be deliberate on deciding your own course. If he doesn’t, my dear, you never had him and there are too many worthwhile men out there.

  2. My boyfriend for 4 years ghosted me. he went for vacation and just as the plane landed in his hometown he blocked me, facebook, WhatsApp, viber, Instagram. and you know what hurts more? I found out he was engaged after a month. I never saw it coming because we were planning for our future together almost everyday we are together and never I would have felt that he is up to something.

  3. You have my deepest sympathy. This must be devastating. I hope things are better for you by now. Stay away from this rat because he will likely be back. Change your phone number, address, and work place if you can. He’s toxic. Enjoy your new life without him.

  4. I was recently ghosted after 2 years by my boyfriend who I am employed with at the same company. No one at work knows and now with quarantine and furloughs,we do not have to see eachother until the end of May. His 65″ television and xbox along with all of his summer clothes are still at my house. 2 months of unanswered texts and calls. The betrayal suffocates me and my anger is blinding. I am numb from the pain and disbelief. I can not imagine trusting someone ever again. Who does this to a person? How? Why? I will never understand. My heart is broken, not because i lost the greatest guy, but because who i thought was my best friend played me as badly as he did.

    • The first thing to remember is there is a high probability that he is seeing or has connected with someone else. Think. A closure meeting would require that you ask him questions and he would either have to squirm , lie, or risk a highlyvemotional soon to be ex. In time if you are honest with yourself, you will have had clues that his feelings for you were not the same. In fact you were probably taking a lot if emotional hits to your self esteem, as you felt him pull away. Time, give it time. Delete his possible entry back into your life. Allow him to feel your absence from his life. It is onlyvwithbtime and healing that you will realise the magnitude of his disrespect to you at the end. Dont allow his bad behaviour to rob you of loving and trusting someone else. Evaluate, be honest, (particularly your own part e.g not communicating your own needs) take things slowly, and believe that there are thousands of genuine, nice men in the world.

    • Your story is as if I wrote it myself. I’m completely devastated- 2 year relationship and same situation

  5. Fiona,

    Great advice, so happy I read this. I just had the same thing that happened to me, blindsided. I was barely hearing from him, and he would never respond to my text until a day later, excuses why he didn’t call. It went from three years of him not getting enough on the phone, being upset when I was busy to silence. I sent him a text yesterday, telling him that I know he purposely pushed me away so that I would do the breaking up. I haven’t heard from him and nor do I feel I will.

  6. My boyfriend and I have been together 6months and it was blissful. So blissful we decided to quarantine together. We ended up bickering a lot and in the middle of an argument he shouted out “we should just break up.” I was shocked but to alleviate the pressure building I started packing up my things and told him I would leave the next day, since it was late in the evening. The next day I confronted him on the way he broke up with me and he said he didn’t mean it but he still thinks we need space and I should go home. I agreed.

    I picked up my computer and noticed his email was logged in and I when I went to log off I noticed he had signed up for Tinder. I confronted him on this and he said he assumed we were going to break up weeks ago because of all our bickering so he just was preparing himself. He didn’t want to talk about it he wanted me to leave and he said he would call me in a few days. It’s been a week and I haven’t heard from him. Should I confront him on al he’s done or move on?

  7. Was ghosted after a 5 month “exclusive” “relationship” (we knew each other from working together while we were in hs) we both were supposedly only seeing each other, only live about 45 minutes apart and managed to only see each other about 2 times during that period. I would always invite her over, but something always came up, the final straw, was she was supposed to come hang out, the day comes, I text her in the am to confirm plans. And nothing. Text in the afternoon, still nothing. Just disappeared. I know she is okay because she has been active on social media. I just don’t understand how you can confirm plans the night Before and then flake out with no word of why. And it’s the first day we hadn’t spoken since initial contact 5 months ago. I really cared for this girl and just don’t know what went wrong! It just hurts losing someone you care about (who SAID) they care about you knowing that they are totally fine just walking away so easily.

  8. I lived with my ex, everything seemed perfect, we were planning to get married and our future together. Suddenly, I was at work and he sent me a message saying to get my things out of his house, no explanation, nothing. When I went to get my things, he didn’t even look at me, he was furious and refused to speak to me. Six months have passed and I still don’t know what happened, he blocked me from everything and didn’t answer any of my messages…

  9. I am completely blindsided by someone who ran after me, moved to be with me. Got me and then When I open up to him he now has seemed to have one foot out the door. He does things that hurt my feelings. When I say I am hurt, he gets mad at me and stops talking to me. He literally ignores my texts, me and my emails. I don’t get it. We have talked endlessly about how this hurts me. Yet, every time, he does it. It’s like he just writes me off. I have to turn myself inside-out to get him to talk to me and it’s like pulling teeth. I feel very hurt. Why won’t he just be honest and say he doesn’t want me anymore instead of being hot and cold. I feel so rejected and confused. I don’t son’t seem to know how to break the cycle and take my strength back.

  10. bullshit!

  11. Two weeks ago, my boyfriend of one year ghosted me. The whole situation was difficult from the start because while we both unexpectedly developed very strong feelings I was moving out of state at the end of the summer (2019). The entire summer we spent every second together, though, I didn’t think I would talk to him after the summer ended. Much to my surprised we confessed our love for each other the day before I left. At that point I knew I wasn’t going to be able to end it. We decided to continue as an open, long distance relationship. Without him, I was distracted and terribly sad but we messaged constantly and talked on the phone as much as possible. I felt really good about things. Since my move to the time of our breakup, we had only been physically in the same place for 36 hours. But our emotional connection had deepened so much I wasn’t worried about us working out. During quarantine everyone left a strain on their relationships. But I was so confident because me and mine had been doing it for months and were experiencing nothing new. April was littered with several heated arguments regarding differences in opinion on social issues. But we were never the type to shy away from controversial conversations so I didn’t think anything was out of the ordinary. In late April and May his communication was minimal and I felt ignored. We got in an argument about this and that was the last thing we spoke about. I didn’t think it would lead to a split because we’d overcome much worse fights before. But he blocked me on all social media and wouldn’t return my phone calls. Now I am such a mess. The pain I am experiencing is all consuming. Luckily I don’t really have much on my plate but that’s also kind of a bad think because I have nothing to distract me. I’m a very sensitive person with abandonment issues. No one deserves this but given my history, I feel like the pain runs a little deeper. I’m still in denial. I keep hoping this is just a bad dream and I’ll wake up any minute to my loving boyfriend. Or he’ll call any day now with a damn good excuse and a grand apology. Or that I’ll get word he’s died in a freak accident. Or that he’ll at least call me up give me a proper break up. I was so madly in love with him. We hadn’t been together long and most of that was spent across the country from one another but I was intent on marrying him (we’d discussed it many times). The level of devastation I am experiencing is unlike anything I’ve ever felt.

  12. I was ghosted after an 18 month relationship where I was showered with love and affection. We even talked of marriage. It felt mutual all the way. We had a blissful weekend together and then 48 hours later I was ghosted. She says she couldn’t think of another way to do it. I’m struggling to come to terms with the change in her almost over night. She’s autistic and I think this contributed to how she can do this. But I feel it’s not an excuse. I’m desperately heartbroken and struggling to get past it. How can someone who loved me so much do this? When we messaged about exchanging belongings she says she’s fine. She isn’t missing me. It happened two weeks ago. Feeling lost.

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