Women, How Can You Use Your Voice Effectively With an Intense Partner?

There is a myth of the woman who has it all. She works a high-powered job, cares for the children and the home, manages to stay in shape and fashionable.

Her greatest ability of all? Knowing exactly what her partner needs and being able to provide it with ease.

Unfortunately, this myth has become more of an expectation in many households.

Societal roles for women often circulate around being a homemaker, though many women also desire to pursue careers or hobbies. Magazines and celebrities present idealized images on female figures and sexuality. Porn shows women who can always turn it on for their partner.

The many roles that women are asked to play often lead them to feeling over-stretched and under-valued.

To Be Everything for Everybody

Of course, it is not wrong to want to make others around you happy. In fact, an important component of any healthy relationship is a demonstration of appreciation and love through spontaneous acts of kindness and service.

The dangers of becoming overstretched

Trying to do it all results in more than one negative consequence. Not using our voice and creating boundaries can result in feeling a lack of respect towards yourself or from others.

More importantly, you can begin to lose a sense of direction or identity—you lose your voice. When you are working hard to please others and put their needs above your basic self-care, you may also begin to put their core beliefs and life plans above our own.

This problem can often translate into relationships, especially if you already have an intense partner. In these circumstances, it can be easy to feel pushed over, or prevented from expressing your own needs.

The value of establishing boundaries

Establishing healthy boundaries is important because these boundaries preserve your goals by protecting you from being controlled by others, from sacrificing your sense of self.

How to Effectively Use Your Voice

Your voice can be the gatekeeper of your personal border. How?

1. Define your core beliefs
When you translate your beliefs into a language (whether by writing them down or speaking them out loud as daily affirmations), you determine what you are and are not willing to do for others.

Defining these core beliefs will also help when voicing your wants, needs, and disagreements to an intense partner because you will already know what you want to say and how to say it.

2. Know what it means to say “yes”
Seems silly, but you may often say ‘yes’ to things when you really mean ‘maybe’ or ‘no.’ Some of this comes from feeling pressured, some might also come from wanting to be polite or accommodating.

Therefore, know what it means to say ‘yes’ and only say it when you mean it. Doing so will eliminate confusion and discourage coercion by your partner. When clear dialogue is created and enforced, so too is your sense of control.

3. Take small steps
It is intimidating to begin putting your foot down when you’re in a relationship with an intense partner. Often these partners are already used to being in charge.

Start small by asserting your voice when it comes to minor disagreements or requests. Once you begin feeling confident, you can begin enforcing your boundaries over bigger issues.

We want to please those we love, but at what cost? When we neglect our voice and personal boundaries, we lose a sense of self.

Practicing how to effectively use your voice to express needs, wants, and limits will result in healthier relationships and more confidence in yourself. Additionally, you may find that setting boundaries gives you renewed feelings of direction and purpose in life.


If you find that you continue to struggle to have your voice heard, and you need someone to help you find your assertive self, don’t hesitate to reach out to us.


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