Does Erectile Dysfunction Mean He is Not Into You?
One of the most common myths that I have to debunk in sex therapy relates to erectile dysfunction. So many people think that erectile dysfunction represents a lack of attraction. This sometimes is true. However, I have seen people put so much meaning into ED that just doesn’t fit the situation, which leads to an increase of shame and anxiety… 2 major erectile killers.
So what does ED mean? More often than not, it has nothing to do with how attracted he is to you. Let me give you an example. Sure, men get erections when they are sexually aroused by a potential partner. However, they can also get erections with certain types of excitement that have nothing to do with sex. They wake up with them and that doesn’t necessarily mean that their night was full of blissful sexual fantasy. Erections are not a great indicator of whether or not there are positive feelings towards you.
Erections also Do Not necessarily signal that there is an issue with cheating or porn. Although some men may have ED issues after repeatedly choosing porn over their partners, there are many other times when this isn’t the issue either. It’s essential to have openness and honesty in your relationship to be able to discuss whether porn is a factor. It’s also important to have openness and honesty to identify whether there are desires or even interactions with someone else outside of the your relationship. If you talk with your partner and you don’t believe him, you’ve got a bigger issue to deal with that includes trust. Trust is a foundation to any solid relationship. If you can’t have conversations that build trust, I recommend you get in with a sex therapist or a couples therapist to open this dialogue.
What should you do about the issue?
First, it’s important to remember that some erectile failures are normal. All men experience these some of the time. Although they can cause a lot of anxiety, this is more about the myths that we have about men and sexuality than it is actually a problem. In other words, just because this happens a couple of times doesn’t mean there is a problem at all.
If your partner has a persistent issue with ED, he needs to identify the root cause of his problem. It’s always a good idea to rule out medical problems. These can include blood pressure issues and hormonal problems. Please don’t think that pumping a man full of more testosterone is the answer. The real hormonal culprit to ED is often cortisol, yet there are plenty of pop up places out there who are willing to take you and your partners money for “T.”
There are also many emotional and mental issues that can be root causes as well. Relationship dynamics can play their role as well. However, there is usually a multifaceted picture of negative emotions, negative self-talk, and social pressures that can contribute to this problem.
Sex, mind, body, and soul
I have found ED is treated best with people stepping back away from the importance of genitals and experiencing the power of touch, play, fun, and connection. This can take some work for people when sexual penetration stops working. However, when people do step back and reassess their sexual horizon, they’re usually glad that they did. They can enjoy the experience in a broader sense with their partner. And yes, erections often are more common with these experiences as well. People learn to leave their thoughts behind and simply let themselves go to their own little sacred place.
If you’re looking for help with rebuilding your sexual relationship, please feel free to contact us.