How to Talk to a Partner About Taboo Sexual Desires [without Fear or Shame]

Talking about sex with your partner isn’t always easy, even without taboo desires. Even when you open up about sex with someone you love, it makes you vulnerable.

When you think the fantasies and desires you have aren’t exactly in the “norm,” it makes it even more challenging to open up. Feeling exposed can lead to feeling embarrassed, and no one wants to risk that in front of their partner.

But, no matter what your desires may be, you deserve to share them. So, how can you share them with the one you love without shame or fear?

Let’s go over a few strategies you can put in place to have a healthy relationship with your partner about any taboo desires you might be pondering.

Understand Your Fantasies Aren’t Strange
While some general fantasies and sexual desires might be considered taboo, that doesn’t mean it isn’t reasonable to think about them. If every person on the planet liked the same thing, life would be pretty dull, wouldn’t it?

Before talking to your partner about your desires, be fully aware that there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t go into your conversation feeling apologetic before you even have the chance to speak.

Everyone has different sexual fantasies. Don’t let yours be overshadowed by what everyone else thinks is “normal.”

Decide What You Want
Keep in mind that just because you have specific fantasies or desires, it doesn’t necessarily mean you want to act on all of them. That’s an important distinction to recognize in yourself and point out to your partner.

Talking to your partner about some of your sexual desires can help you to determine what your goals are. Do you want to act on those desires? Or, do you want to be able to share those thoughts and feelings with someone you care about?

Don’t Pressure Your Partner
Even if you do want to act on some of your taboo sexual desires, it’s important not to pressure your partner into anything. Make sure they know that as you talk to them. It can help with your shame and fears, and it will alleviate any tension or worries from your partner.

There may be some things they’re willing to try. There may even be some things they’ll be extremely interested in. But, again, not everyone has the same fantasies. By making sure your partner knows there isn’t any pressure, your conversation will be more comfortable.

They may even be more willing to open up about their desires!

Prepare Yourself for Any Reaction
Realistically, you won’t know ahead of time how your partner is going to respond. Maybe they’ll take it exceptionally well, or perhaps they’ll seem uninterested. In some cases, they may even be turned off by the suggestion of one (or more) of your desires. That doesn’t mean they think you’re strange, disgusting, sexually-deviant, or anything of the sort.

It merely means you have different tastes and different desires. You don’t have to be on the exact page when it comes to those desires, but it’s important to communicate them effectively.

Don’t feel ashamed if your partner doesn’t react the way you had hoped. It doesn’t mean they love you any less. Plus, you’ll likely feel better knowing you were able to share your real wants and needs.

If you worry about sharing your taboo sexual desires with your partner, and you want more help getting through it, feel free to contact us.

Together, we can come up with effective communication solutions to help you let go of that fear and shame and develop a stronger connection with your partner through these conversations.

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