Letting Go of Who You Want Someone to Be

Whether it’s our romantic partners, our friends, or our parents, it’s human to want them to fit into a space that is compatible with your life. Sometimes we can even ignore our boundaries in order to keep that person in our lives. On the surface, it can appear like we’re holding onto hope. And in many ways, when we do this, we are holding onto a hope that things can change and that the relationship can build. 

However, when we hold onto someone and forget about our boundaries, it usually means we’re also avoiding something… emotional pain. It hurts when we realize that the consequences of our boundaries have been crossed. At the same time, it’s impossible to live a congruent and authentic life while also ignoring your boundaries. It may give you comfort, but that will come with a cost as well. 

This isn’t to say that just because someone crosses your boundaries, you have to immediately end the relationship. Instead, you can first identify your boundaries and then focus on identifying whether or not the relationship is workable.

Some boundaries are more flexible than others. So they’re more negotiable. Whereas others are ones that mean that there are likely to be consequences that could even mean that the relationship ends. 

The bottom line is that no relationship is worth you not living a life that fits with your values. Relationships can’t give us happiness on their own. When relationships are at their best, they can enhance our authentic lives. But they can’t fill an already empty tank. So take some time today and look at the boundaries in your life. Look at your relationships and identify what is and isn’t workable. 

Real Changes Take Time

Also keep in mind authentic and congruent living take time to yield results. And the results are incremental. So don’t expect rapid changes. So some will focus on boundaries to relieve negative feelings. I see this a lot with romantic relationships. The truth is that ending a relationship may feel way more crummy than maintaining it. And no decision on its own can make us feel great. 

If you’re struggling to navigate through your boundaries or live an authentic life and you’d like to talk to someone about this, please contact us to learn more about our services. 


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