The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy, connection, and celebration. But for many, it can also bring heightened stress, unresolved relationship challenges, and feelings of inadequacy. At Vantage Point Counseling, we understand that this time of year can stir up complicated emotions, especially for those navigating issues like addiction, relationship struggles, or self-acceptance. Let’s explore how you can embrace this season while prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being.
The Holiday Pressure Cooker
The holidays have a way of magnifying what’s already under the surface. Relationship tensions might feel sharper when you’re spending extended time together. Struggles with self-acceptance might intensify when surrounded by seemingly perfect holiday images on social media. And for those dealing with addiction, the abundance of parties and indulgences can feel like a minefield.
These pressures can lead to a cycle of shame, avoidance, and emotional exhaustion. It’s no surprise that many people feel more disconnected than ever during a season that’s supposed to be about connection.
Practice Good Boundaries and Provide Space for Yourself Through the Holidays
What does it mean to provide space for yourself? It’s really about boundaries. The holidays are full of all kinds of different experiences and interactions with various people. We have some serious history with some of these people (our family members). Other times, we’re meeting new people during the holidays. With all of this comes expectation.
Trust Your Feelings to Help with Boundaries
We all have a couple of layers of protection that surrounding us. These are our boundaries. For example, if someone impedes on your space, it can feel like your skin is crawling. This is because they’ve actually stepped into your boundaries system before you’ve invited them there. Let me illustrate it here, because boundaries can always be a little tricky to understand.
As you can see with this image, it’s almost as if there are 2 fields of energy around us. They are there to protect us. When we’re interaction with another person, we have that space to protect us and give us the room we need to gather our own thoughts and make our own decisions.
As you can see by this picture, there are 2 people here interaction, giving each other space. They’re literally giving each other space, but they’re also giving each other emotional space as well. It looks like they’re just interacting, with few pressures or expectations.
During the holidays, all of this can change. You can interact with all kinds of different people, who have all kinds of different energy, needs, boundary limits and expectations.
It can be a lot to manage.
Using Your Boundaries to Take Care of Yourself
Some of us are really good at building up our outermost boundary layer to take care of ourselves. In those situations, the holidays aren’t often as overwhelming. For others of us, that outer layer may not be as solid. If this is true for you, then you need to give yourself a little more space. This might mean creating a plan to get out of the house. Maybe you can the person to run to the store to get last minute food items. Maybe the family dog needs a quick walk around the block. Those are just a couple of examples of ways you can give yourself some space.
You might be able to share your needs with a family member you trust too. The bottom line is that it’s important to protect yourself at all times of the year. The holidays are no different. Think about these layers of protective energy that are around you and decide what you need to take care of yourself during your family get togethers. You’ll recover faster after the holidays have passed. And you’ll have good practice for the other times of the year that aren’t quite as intense.
How to Think About Your Boundaries and Self-Care
- Recognize when to say “no”. We associate the holidays with expectations. It can be difficult to draw lines when there are expectations from others. Especially others we care about and want their approval. At the same time, we have times where we need to say “no.” This can mean staying out of specific dinners and events. Sure, some may be disappointed, but it’s important to take care of yourself.
- Give yourself time and space. Is there a family dog? Take him for a walk! If there is no dog, let your partner know that you’re going to take some time for yourself. You might run to the convenience store, go for a walk, etc. Just remember, that it’s fine to give yourself some reprieve.
- Orient to what you enjoy the most. Some people really enjoy the holidays for the children. Others really enjoy the food. Pay attention to what you enjoy the most. This can help you stay grounded to the most pleasurable aspects the holiday. This can help you feel better, and improve your emotions when you start to struggle.
- Stay with the present. Our families can pull us into our own pasts. Pay attention to your adult self. I often suggest that people remind themselves of some affirming things about themselves as an adult. This can offer empowerment to make it through.
- Spend time connecting with your closest relative. We all have relatives who we connect with. Discussion seems to flow easier with this person. These people can help us enjoy and stay grounded during this time of year.
- Stay away from hot topics. Sometimes you may have an urge to discuss a tough topic. Other times your family members may want to talk about these things. It is important to learn how to talk about difficult issues. In particular, this isn’t the time to talk about politics and religion. Stay mindfully away from these topics if they will be too much to handle. Be aware of how much you can handle, and draw these lines.
Other Tips for Healthy Relationships This Holiday Season
Whether you’re mending a fractured relationship or striving to build healthier connections, the holidays can offer an opportunity for growth and healing. Here are a few ways to start:
Set Realistic Expectations The picture-perfect holiday doesn’t exist. Focus on what matters most to you and your loved ones rather than trying to meet unrealistic standards. Sometimes, that means simplifying your plans or opting for quiet moments over grand gestures.
Communicate Openly
Use this time to practice honest and compassionate communication. Whether discussing boundaries, unmet needs, or relationship goals, creating a safe space for dialogue can strengthen your connection.
Reconnect with Shared Goals
If you’re in a relationship, revisit the dreams and aspirations you share with your partner. This can help you feel more aligned and motivated to move forward together, even if challenges persist.
Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Whether you’re addressing addiction or rebuilding trust, acknowledge the strides you’ve made. Healing is a journey, and every step forward counts.
Cultivating Self-Acceptance During the Holidays
For those grappling with issues of self-worth or identity, the holidays can feel overwhelming. From family gatherings to social expectations, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others or feeling like you don’t measure up. Here are some ways to stay grounded:
Create a Self-Care Plan
Identify activities that replenish your energy and bring you peace. This might include journaling, meditation, or even setting aside time to decompress after social events.
Challenge Negative Self-Talk
When insecurities arise, remind yourself that you are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are. Practice reframing negative thoughts with affirming ones, such as, “I am growing and learning every day.”
Connect with Affirming Communities
Surround yourself with people who support and celebrate who you are, whether it’s chosen family, close friends, or a therapist who understands your journey.
Reflect on Your Values
The holidays are a great time to revisit what’s most important to you. Aligning your actions with your values can bring clarity and a sense of purpose.
How Vantage Point Counseling Can Help
At Vantage Point Counseling, we understand that the holidays can be especially challenging for those dealing with relationship struggles, addiction, or issues of self-acceptance. Our compassionate team is here to provide a safe, supportive space for you to navigate these challenges.
Whether you’re seeking to rebuild trust in your relationship, address unhealthy patterns, or explore your identity in an affirming environment, we’re here to help. Together, we can develop strategies to manage holiday stress, foster deeper connections, and create lasting change.
You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
The holidays don’t have to be a time of dread. With the right support and tools, they can become an opportunity for growth, healing, and connection. If you’re ready to take the next step in your journey, contact Vantage Point Counseling today. Let’s work together to help you find peace and joy this season – and beyond.
It’s OK to Be Not OK During the Holidays
The holiday season is largely based in our traditions. This can be great for those of us who are wanting to come together with our families and friends, and enjoy the traditions in our culture and in our families.
On the other hand, where there are traditions, there are also norms. With norms comes expectations! “Happy Holidays,” “Merry Christmas,” “Happy Thanksgiving” are three things we hear and say to each other throughout this time of year. Those three phrases capture the essence of what the holidays are supposed to be for us… happy, positive, enjoyable, and pleasurable.
Now I’m not suggesting you must change how you greet and say goodbye to people during the holiday season. Instead, I’m turning some attention to the expectation and assumption about the season. It’ll be happy.
But what happens if it’s not happy? What happens when you’re not feeling very good at this time of year? Unfortunately, some of us can put pressure on ourselves to feel differently than how we actually feel. Ironically, this can make us feel even worse!
If you notice what’s happened in the past year or 2, there are a lot of overwhelming things going on! We’re in the midst of a pandemic… still. Our economy has been impacted. There have been many people who have been lost. Many of our relationships have been impacted during this challenging time. And on top of that, the ups and downs of our lives continue happening too.
Fearing Being a Burden
Some of us might worry about putting the tough feelings we’re experiencing onto other people who want to be happy at this time. Authenticity doesn’t require you to push feelings onto anyone. Instead, it’s about finding the people who are willing to sit with you in your true feelings no matter what is going on outside. So even when the season outside says it’s a happy time, you may not be feeling happy. The goal is to find someone who will listen to you, validate you, and support you with the tough things you’re going through.
Sometimes this sense of support will also have the benefit of releasing you from some of the sense of burden that you’re having. It can give you a little more capacity to be around others.
Others will Likely Be More Supportive than you Think
Even when we pressure ourselves, we’re often surprised by how many people want to be supportive. If you’re willing to open a door, there are likely others who have had rough holidays too. They know how tough that can be–to want to enjoy the holiday yet be going through something challenging. You might just not know they know this, and they might not know you’re going through it unless you open up with them.
You Can Celebrate the Holidays and Experience Tough Feelings
Sometimes we can feel as though the only way to live different aspects of our lives is when we’re happy. That’s a tough compromise to have to live by. It’s also an all-or-nothing teeter-totter that isn’t true at all. You don’t have to be happy to spend time with others, celebrate a holiday, and live your life. Instead, you can identify what is important for you to do and just do it.
I can’t tell you how many people fall into the thinking that they will do something important once they crack the code of happiness. And then they wait… and wait… and wait. That’s because there isn’t a code. Good and bad stuff happens. Happy and difficult feelings happen as well.
Key Takeaways:
- Everyone has ups and downs and those ups and downs also happy during the holidays.
- Find a support system to support you with the downs.
- The holidays aren’t in charge of your mood.
- Sharing your feelings with others who you trust can help you cope.
- Live your life as authentically as possible, even with ups and downs.
The biggest key takeaway is that things can be tough and it’s normal to have difficult uncomfortable emotions when you’re experiencing tough stuff. You’re also not alone. I guarantee you of that. There are many others around you who understand the pressures of this time of year, and others who are willing to support you with your unique situation.
If you’re looking for a therapist during the holidays or any time of the year, feel free to contact us.
