The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy, connection, and celebration. But for many, it can also bring heightened stress, unresolved relationship challenges, and feelings of inadequacy. At Vantage Point Counseling, we understand that this time of year can stir up complicated emotions, especially for those navigating issues like addiction, relationship struggles, or self-acceptance. Let’s explore how you can embrace this season while prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being.
The Holiday Pressure Cooker
The holidays have a way of magnifying what’s already under the surface. Relationship tensions might feel sharper when you’re spending extended time together. Struggles with self-acceptance might intensify when surrounded by seemingly perfect holiday images on social media. And for those dealing with addiction, the abundance of parties and indulgences can feel like a minefield.
These pressures can lead to a cycle of shame, avoidance, and emotional exhaustion. It’s no surprise that many people feel more disconnected than ever during a season that’s supposed to be about connection.
Practice Good Boundaries and Provide Space for Yourself Through the Holidays
What does it mean to provide space for yourself? It’s really about boundaries. The holidays are full of all kinds of different experiences and interactions with various people. We have some serious history with some of these people (our family members). Other times, we’re meeting new people during the holidays. With all of this comes expectation.
Trust Your Feelings to Help with Boundaries
We all have a couple of layers of protection that surrounding us. These are our boundaries. For example, if someone impedes on your space, it can feel like your skin is crawling. This is because they’ve actually stepped into your boundaries system before you’ve invited them there. Let me illustrate it here, because boundaries can always be a little tricky to understand.
As you can see with this image, it’s almost as if there are 2 fields of energy around us. They are there to protect us. When we’re interaction with another person, we have that space to protect us and give us the room we need to gather our own thoughts and make our own decisions.
As you can see by this picture, there are 2 people here interaction, giving each other space. They’re literally giving each other space, but they’re also giving each other emotional space as well. It looks like they’re just interacting, with few pressures or expectations.
During the holidays, all of this can change. You can interact with all kinds of different people, who have all kinds of different energy, needs, boundary limits and expectations.
It can be a lot to manage.
Using Your Boundaries to Take Care of Yourself
Some of us are really good at building up our outermost boundary layer to take care of ourselves. In those situations, the holidays aren’t often as overwhelming. For others of us, that outer layer may not be as solid. If this is true for you, then you need to give yourself a little more space. This might mean creating a plan to get out of the house. Maybe you can the person to run to the store to get last minute food items. Maybe the family dog needs a quick walk around the block. Those are just a couple of examples of ways you can give yourself some space.
You might be able to share your needs with a family member you trust too. The bottom line is that it’s important to protect yourself at all times of the year. The holidays are no different. Think about these layers of protective energy that are around you and decide what you need to take care of yourself during your family get togethers. You’ll recover faster after the holidays have passed. And you’ll have good practice for the other times of the year that aren’t quite as intense.
How to Think About Your Boundaries and Self-Care
- Recognize when to say “no”. We associate the holidays with expectations. It can be difficult to draw lines when there are expectations from others. Especially others we care about and want their approval. At the same time, we have times where we need to say “no.” This can mean staying out of specific dinners and events. Sure, some may be disappointed, but it’s important to take care of yourself.
- Give yourself time and space. Is there a family dog? Take him for a walk! If there is no dog, let your partner know that you’re going to take some time for yourself. You might run to the convenience store, go for a walk, etc. Just remember, that it’s fine to give yourself some reprieve.
- Orient to what you enjoy the most. Some people really enjoy the holidays for the children. Others really enjoy the food. Pay attention to what you enjoy the most. This can help you stay grounded to the most pleasurable aspects the holiday. This can help you feel better, and improve your emotions when you start to struggle.
- Stay with the present. Our families can pull us into our own pasts. Pay attention to your adult self. I often suggest that people remind themselves of some affirming things about themselves as an adult. This can offer empowerment to make it through.
- Spend time connecting with your closest relative. We all have relatives who we connect with. Discussion seems to flow easier with this person. These people can help us enjoy and stay grounded during this time of year.
- Stay away from hot topics. Sometimes you may have an urge to discuss a tough topic. Other times your family members may want to talk about these things. It is important to learn how to talk about difficult issues. In particular, this isn’t the time to talk about politics and religion. Stay mindfully away from these topics if they will be too much to handle. Be aware of how much you can handle, and draw these lines.
Other Tips for Healthy Relationships This Holiday Season
Whether you’re mending a fractured relationship or striving to build healthier connections, the holidays can offer an opportunity for growth and healing. Here are a few ways to start:
Set Realistic Expectations The picture-perfect holiday doesn’t exist. Focus on what matters most to you and your loved ones rather than trying to meet unrealistic standards. Sometimes, that means simplifying your plans or opting for quiet moments over grand gestures.
Communicate Openly
Use this time to practice honest and compassionate communication. Whether discussing boundaries, unmet needs, or relationship goals, creating a safe space for dialogue can strengthen your connection.
Reconnect with Shared Goals
If you’re in a relationship, revisit the dreams and aspirations you share with your partner. This can help you feel more aligned and motivated to move forward together, even if challenges persist.
Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Whether you’re addressing addiction or rebuilding trust, acknowledge the strides you’ve made. Healing is a journey, and every step forward counts.
Cultivating Self-Acceptance During the Holidays
For those grappling with issues of self-worth or identity, the holidays can feel overwhelming. From family gatherings to social expectations, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others or feeling like you don’t measure up. Here are some ways to stay grounded:
Create a Self-Care Plan
Identify activities that replenish your energy and bring you peace. This might include journaling, meditation, or even setting aside time to decompress after social events.
Challenge Negative Self-Talk
When insecurities arise, remind yourself that you are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are. Practice reframing negative thoughts with affirming ones, such as, “I am growing and learning every day.”
Connect with Affirming Communities
Surround yourself with people who support and celebrate who you are, whether it’s chosen family, close friends, or a therapist who understands your journey.
Reflect on Your Values
The holidays are a great time to revisit what’s most important to you. Aligning your actions with your values can bring clarity and a sense of purpose.
How Vantage Point Counseling Can Help
At Vantage Point Counseling, we understand that the holidays can be especially challenging for those dealing with relationship struggles, addiction, or issues of self-acceptance. Our compassionate team is here to provide a safe, supportive space for you to navigate these challenges.
Whether you’re seeking to rebuild trust in your relationship, address unhealthy patterns, or explore your identity in an affirming environment, we’re here to help. Together, we can develop strategies to manage holiday stress, foster deeper connections, and create lasting change.
You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
The holidays don’t have to be a time of dread. With the right support and tools, they can become an opportunity for growth, healing, and connection. If you’re ready to take the next step in your journey, contact Vantage Point Counseling today. Let’s work together to help you find peace and joy this season – and beyond.
If you’re looking for a therapist during the holidays or any time of the year, feel free to contact us.
