When Do We Just Get to Trusting Again?
Whether a couple has dealt with a single affair, or they have worked through multiple episodes of cheating, there can be a lasting barrier. Each member in the relationship can feel like they are making individual progress in coping and preventing it from happening again. This progress can add to frustration when you realize that you’re still not trusted. This can take months, and sometimes even years.
This can seem like a hopeless task. It’s true, some couples just simply can’t recover from this. However, one thing that will surely have a negative impact is settling with frustration and a dismissive attitude.
The only way forward is to take risks.
Attempts to connect can end up being extremely disappointing. Again, the alternative will lead to negative results. This means that you have to be willing to take risks. If you sit back, and wait for the person who has been betrayed, then you may actually be adding to the level of betrayal. Trust is all about making bids for connection, which includes those tough times. Thus, you might dread entering a conversation. It’s true, the conversation might go badly, but if you don’t take this risk, it can appear that you’ve really not changed at all.
It’s all about embracing change.
After a betrayal happens, it’s not only about knowing that you won’t do the act of betrayal again. It’s also about knowing that you’ve changed in a way that is deeper than the betrayal. Your relationship won’t ever be the same now that this has happened. This means that an experience of this can change you. That change means that you’re going to have to develop a new kind of trust. The old version doesn’t exist anymore.
To settle into these changes, you’re going to have to discuss this. Again, this can be very scary, because it comes with the risk that you’re no longer compatible with each other. But without taking that risk, you won’t grow back together.
Time can heal, but inaction will damage.
Time can definitely help heal wounds, but it can’t happen on its own. Many rely too heavily on time, and they don’t take action. Instead, they stay quiet and small, and hope that things will get better. This usually leads to two different experiences. Many couples who stay silent become cordial, but extremely distant. They move further and further apart. Then there are those where the hurt from the inaction becomes very obvious. It transforms into more volatility and anger.